自己从来就不是鲸鱼

凭什么

要求你成为那伟大的大海？

真的是自己要求过高了吗？

可是

那渐渐流失的安全感

真的是我一个人的责任？

纯粹是因为我活着太得空找东西让自己烦恼吗？

如果真的是

那我想

我不适合在这位置上徘徊

心突然觉得冷得可怕

没用的自己

微

怎么了

不知所措

就是这样解的吗？

生气

是因为我真的委屈了

还是我自己针对性地在无理取闹？

沉默

不是因为我真的能够让时间冲淡那情绪

只是因为我知道若我沉不住气

随之而来的会是一滩眼泪

和一堆无法愈合的伤口

可是我清楚知道

这样的逃避

只会让雪球越滚越大

所以

我到底应该怎样面对

这突然袭击而来的风波？

微

是我变了吗？

有这样的情绪的自己

我不认识

今天认识了

发现我不喜欢这个自己

happy birthday :D

babi lim,

wanted to come out with a long long post for you, but then...no new ideas, so you refer back last year's post okay? haha :D

just today, we skyped for about 15minutes. was it because we were both doing our own things on hand, or was it because we haven't been talking for such a long time already? i had the feeling that the conversation stopped because we were not talking, not because we are doing our own stuff. sorry for not taking the initiatives to start up a conversation, i was in my dining hall and so it was quite awkward to go deeper into any private conversation. after all, i still prefer face-to-face bedtime talking with you la. faster come back and come my house pillow talk. lolz...

in short. happy birthday!

and ohya, see you very soooooooooooon.

kaiwei :)

电话里

听到你的期待

听到你的失望

听到你的无奈

那句“哦，酱不用紧啦”

听得我好心疼

好内疚

好不知所措

责怪自己

为什么

让你们期待了

又再次让你们失望

无奈

我也不想这样

只是有时候

身不由己

答应你，答应你们

明天以后

会好好补偿

微 :)

今晚的会议

希望

让我觉得我不回去。值得

good night world

my fault.

to try to reach everyone at the wrong timing.

good night, is, perhaps, the right-est words to say to the whole world right now.

so, good night world.

kaiwei :(

owh...

there are still so much more for me to learn.

pray hard i don't screw things up this time.

i know you put a high faith on me to call me in.

i know you put a good trust on me to convince all others to trust me as well.

just hope, i won't disappoint you at last.

just hope, everything will turn out to be good and steady at last.

just hope, we can still hold up as good friends and good mates at last.

gosh i feel soooooooo alone right now.

haven't been feeling so helpless standing here as a leader but not doing what i am supposed to be doing.

i need somebody, anybody, reliable. i mean, RELIABLE.

sorry to blurt this out, but still, this is so bulllllshit.

i am sorry to not being able to help when you think i can. at the same time i hope i don't need to say i am sorry at the end of the day for the same reason.

come on leekaiwei! life still goes on when everyone turns their back on you busy doing their own things. life still goes on although sometimes it sucks...

kaiwei :(

things are messy.

minds are messy.

commitment are messy.

preparation messy.

planning and organizing messy.

bloody hell.

i didnt expect all these to be in such a mess.

like... come on, you are also a leader and you should know what is your responsibility.

was that my fault?

was it because of my lack of supervise?

or was it because of my bloody useless leadership skills?

or rather, was it because my heart is not commit at all in this?

guess i'm certainly so not ready on this type of long-distance leadership matters yet...

save me, anyone?

support me, anyone?

back me up, anyone?

screw.

kaiwei :(