happy birthday, again.

another birthday post. why is there so many birthday boys and girls this month har? haha.

this time, it is our lovely little run. 跑儿，or i prefer calling her 小闰...

actually, i am really very very very lazy to write anything long up here tonight. but just, i am leaving to Taiwan tomorrow, so if i were to give a belated birthday post, it will be at least a week later, and that will be too late. so, here am i...

let's start with.... haha. of course, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY is always necessary.

so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY my dear :)

we are always sticking together since we were in UM. looking backwards, we knew each other for like, only about 2 years? not as long as me and dajie, not as long as me with any other names that i kept mentioning to you when we talked about friends. but this 2 years, it feels just so long. long enough to make us close, long enough to make us care, and long enough to make us remember, that we are always the closest one to share problems with in university.

well, unlike other besties i have. you don't come to talk to me on your own when problem arise. you used to keep to yourself, or maybe to your other friends from your hometown. haha. always your style, you only tell us 'stories' only after everything is over. hmmph. just want to let you know, i am always there to listen whenever you want. i know i am always busy, and i will still be busy next semester, but we meet up almost everyday wert. and you know we don't listen in lecture, so you can as well utilise the time. haha. but of course, i hope better you don't have the need to find time to talk over unhappy things, because that will means you don't have any unhappy things to talk to :)

i think among all the friends that i know, you are the kindest among all already. you always think about others first before yourself. and that kindness, sometimes make me want to salute you. but sometimes make me beh tahan also. remember, love yourself before you love others. and take care of your own will before you start doing things that others want you to do. alright?

i heard about your love stories from when i know you, not always of course, but once in a while will do. i am glad, really happy for you, my best friend in university, that you and him are able to go through the ups and downs, and keep maintaining this long distance relationship until today. from when he couldn't really understand your situation and you guys were fighting over the same reason over and over again until you nearly give up the relationship, until now that he at least tried to think from your stand, and you knowing how to defend your own will, and both of you willing to tolerate with each other. i am really happy and sincerely i hope to see you find happiness in being with him. never met him in person before, but i do hope to meet him. this important fella for my important friend.

eee...er...erm.... don't know what to say already. i just hope we will always be the closest girls to stick up together for countless days in the future, although you already moved out to stay with your buddhist society friends, although i will also be moving out to another corner of PJ and we will be further apart! sobs. you are in PJ side and i am on bangsar side. why not stay over our place alternately? one night your place, one night at my place. then can pillow talk every night. haha...

just, i am so glad to have a friend like you and bear in mind, no matter how big difference of us from the many different aspects, you will always, i meant ALWAYS, be a friend who i treasure so much. a friend that i could not bear to lose, in any way...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY once again, my dear.

this is where our friendship starts. although we changed from group of four to group of just these three. i say, this is more than enough. :)

remember the stressful time we spent in our lovely study room? oh i meant, crazy time. craving for papers. more and more papers on the table which is obviously not belong to us, but we decided to make it belongs to us for the whole study and exam week. haha.

craziness shifted from study room until the staircase out there in lobby. but still, never get away from papers. that was our memories, and we still have 3 times of exam to create another get-together-study-week.

i hardly found any naughty photos with you. well, you are always with your good-little-girl image. noisy only when we really close with each other. hehe.

the three of us.

let's 服侍 this bossy 大姐 together. i am afraid i can't manage her alone. haha.

there you go. this is my forever friend. and when i say forever, i meant it. so, friendship forever my dear.

with many lovely birthday wishes,

kaiwei :)

pressure ambushing.

again,

i am experiencing the pressure of

"no money no talk"!!!

save me~

marketing is fun, but it sucks too, when i don't get the money and the fire is burning close....

shyt.

kaiwei >.<

happy papa day

this time, photos come first :D

the loving couple, my papa and mummy.

small auntie and youngest cousin, tong tong. the eldest and the youngest granddaughter are both the love-est grandchild for our love-est grandpa. hehe

small uncle, and their 2 lovely but naughty boys. hehe

haha. no others but two of my most doulei brothers. one pilot outside, doulei in-house. another prefect outside, also doulei in-house. blek :P

owh last but not least, the greatest grandparents of the prettiest lady in lee's family. haha. they are sometimes stubborn, but they melt in front of me. so, anything you find it hard to convince them, come to me. haha. love them till the max!! muakks...

happy father's day.

simple yet meaningful lunch with grandparents and uncle's family.

glad that i can not only wish papa happy father's day but also grandpa happy grandfather's day. hehe.

don't know whether my dad visit this blog like my mummy does. pa, if you do read this, i don't know how to tell you how much i love you and how grateful am i to have you in this family, but you know i do love you don't you? for all the contributions you did for us, for all the sacrifice you did for this family, for all the unconditional loves you gave to your pretty little daughter, i can feel it and i can see it, but i just couldn't tell it. haha. well of course, we have those typical type of father and daughter relationship and way of communication wert. all words are kept safe deep inside our heart like the whole world will collapse once we blurt them out face to face. not a good practise, i know.

with the best dad award trophy that i specially made for you, i know it looks really normal la, but that simple three words mean everything to us. the three monkeys that have been taken care safe and comfortable under your thick warm wings of an angel. yes, you are always an angel for us. ever since you and mum brought us to this family, you never leave us in dark corner and you have given us all, or i should say, more than all that we need. we are not as rich as those dato datuk datin nenek or whoever they are out there, but i know we are always the lucky one to be in this family with enough income to spend, to live more comfortably than many others.

the loves, the care, the guidance, the lessons, the time, the commitment... they mean more than words can spell out. forgive me to never have to courage to articulate the magic words 'i love you', forgive me to never have the courage to give you a tight lovely warm hug in this special day. i wonder why, because hugging grandpa and grandma is such a normal thing for me. haha. never mind, the most important thing is you know what i want to say deep inside my heart do you? hehe.

happy father's day to my greatest papa in the world.

we love you, and we will always do. <3

with loooooots of loves,

your lovely daughter, kaiwei :)

love letter to my love, 大姐

dajie!!! haha. i'm sure you have been clicking into my page since 12am again and again to check out if there is any 'relevant' new post meant for you. well, there you go, i am a little bit not punctual like i always do, so i guess you won't be too surprise on this. haha.

cut the craps, i only want to say...

happy birthday!

good night.

haha.

not long enough?

hmm...

let me think...

what content can i put in to come out with a long long long birthday post oh? both of us not so used to this kind of 'meat numb' conversation wert. haha. well, after almost 8 years of knowing each other, almost 5 years of being siblings to each other, we only get closer since few years back. you know la, you were never those easy-to-get-close type until we met again in matriculation.

come to think of you, the feelings are very complicated, hard to explain. close, yet not so close. understand? don't leh? i told you they are complicated. i knew you have been very protective to me ever since matriculation time. although we have about 10 pretty ladies in our clique, but both of us are always the closest aren't we? those time, throughout the 10 months period of my matric life, first 1-2 months were great and new and exciting, later then, they sucks and you know why. i always put these words over my mouth, saying that the time in KMNS was the darkest moment in my life over this 21 years since i met the world. but i am still glad i had you, and i had all of you during that 10 months. remember the letter that you wrote to me when i went to bath that day? advised me in a scolding way. but still made me touch don't worry, so it works. i knew who cared about me the most and who was the one who SAID he cared but he neevr really does. i knew i was being stupid for trying to make others feel better and keep myself in the last of my list of person to be taken care of. i knew i am going to regret it like how i do now but i was still being stubborn to not listen to you. aiyo... long old nasty story, better don't talk too much about it in this very happy big day hor? just want to let you know i still keep that letter with me, safely between the pages of my diary. i used to read it over again time to time, but forgive me that i tried not to read it too often, because i don't really want to remind myself of those long old nasty story that used to screw my life before. haha.

i always feel very very very lucky that i still have you here in my university life. i don't have to go through the lonely trying-to-adapt-myself period when first step into university life because i knew i can always go to you when i am alone. and then of course, we still have our own good friends to get along with (you have more of them, for sure, because i basically only have little run that time. haha) i used to worry that we will soon be too far from each other when you start to get better along with your group of friends. i won't call it jealous (because your 小妹 don't jealous! haha) but the feeling do exist. when you get too close with them that you couldn't take care of me like you used to anymore. when you get too close with them that you have to choose between me and them to hang out with after exam. when you get too close with them that i have to be understanding and thoughtful enough to not force you to be with me anywhere anytime like a pair of sticky sisters+besties. well well... just one thing, we never keep hard feelings do we? that's why i always say you are my best 大姐，and my 大姐 is always the best. haha.

my dear 大姐, you watched me grow from a green fresh cute little form 1 girl to a blue mature 3rd year undergrad's lady. you used to say i am your role model, that you always hope to be like me one day, if i didnt remember wrongly? well, actually, what so nice about being like me huh? except i am sometimes a LITTLE BIT noob and always VERY noisy... the fact is, deep inside my heart i know there are still a lot for me to improve and learn from you. the way you always do your best in everything that you are doing, whether you like them or not. the way you always go all out and strive for perfect in everything you do. the way you want to learn and make yourself a better person in things that you are not good in, try to speak and try to speak in English as much chances as you can. the way you challenge yourself just to prove to everyone else on your ability, and at last you did achieved whatever you wanted to achieve. a great salute to you!

for one whole semester, i have been thinking a lot about us. about us being not so close as days passed. was it really the thing that is really happening? since when we begin to talk less to each other, share less secrets to each other, be really polite to each other, discuss only about academic and works to each other... i guess you felt the same thing too, but we were just too immersed in our own busy schedules and more important responsibilities on hand to really try to eke out time to talk over it. well, i hope, and i really hope, that everything will go back to normal like before soon, possible? we will fight with each other without mercy, we will take care of each other but in an unsound way, we will share secrets and gossips and problems with each other again. shall we?

i know you sure miss me very much in this few months time. don't worry, another few months to go and we can meet everyday again, so be patient! haha. please give a little face and say you miss me, at least a bit la, please~ haha. anyway, last words in this long naggy post that i also don't know what i am crapping about. come on, it is already 1am midnight and i normally go to bed before 12am now that it's my boring holiday. happy birthday, and 小妹 wish you a very good luck in everything you do. may you achieve your life goal after you graduated, may you meet your life partner before you graduated, may you finally realised how lovely your 小妹 is before you sleep after reading this post!

happy birthday. 生日快乐. selamat hari jadi.

with loooooots of love,

小妹

you, who are always trying to be low profile, but failed, of course.

you, who never like to eat vege...

you, who always pretend to be serious, but the fact is sampat-meter will hit the maximum point when tested on you.

you, who always stay with me no matter how stupid act i'm doing, or how my stupid act makes you look even more stupid.

you, who i am always proud to have, who coloured my life even better, who made my family tree even more complete to have not just two brothers, but another sister to be with always!

thanks for spending your precious auditor time to finish reading this post.

urm.. i meant...

if you did finish reading it.

good night.

i am okay.

after several emo posts, time to have a switch of mood.

i am hereby announcing...

i am okay. we are okay. already.

haha.

focusing on famine famine famine now.

kaiwei :)

time cures

yes, i agree

but definitely not very effectively

deep inside my heart i am hoping for something from you

at least something

and not just silent

because when you are silent

i supposed you are assuming me to clean the rubbish in my heart on my own

but i thought those rubbish were created by both of us?

do we both have the responsibility?

or i will have to settle them on my own, this time, next time, and every other times?

yes, those rubbish.

kaiwei

i promised because of your promise

so

i will keep my promise as long as the promise made to me is kept as well

and so

please always remember what you promised

whether you meant it or not

this works two ways

not just on myself

kaiwei

i hope i am making a right promise

solemnly i promised.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.

count to 10, take a deep breath, think, and think...

this is what i will do the next time i feel upset.

it's not right to show my temper.

as i am supposed to be thoughtful enough to control these hidden bad temper.

they are hidden somewhere no matter how hard i wanted to deny, yes.

if so, let them be hidden always, then.

sorry, for the those who intentionally or unintentionally hurt by my words.

i shouldn't have blurted them out without second thought, or should i?

good like usual, are we?

hopefully, we can get over this.

'just, forget it.'

kaiwei

i can't hold back my tears

because this feeling sucks.

knowing that i should NOT put a blame on anyone else but myself

knowing that this is nobody's fault as nobody mean to see this deep shyt situation either

knowing that i should ALWAYS be understanding enough to everyone like i usually do

knowing that i should really act like what i say, 'just, forget it'

but still

i am putting the blame on SOMEBODY,

i am NOT being very understanding AT ALL,

and i couldn't do like what i said, 'just, forget it...

and so

this feeling sucks.

kaiwei

自己从来就不是鲸鱼

凭什么

要求你成为那伟大的大海？

真的是自己要求过高了吗？

可是

那渐渐流失的安全感

真的是我一个人的责任？

纯粹是因为我活着太得空找东西让自己烦恼吗？

如果真的是

那我想

我不适合在这位置上徘徊

心突然觉得冷得可怕

没用的自己

微

怎么了

不知所措

就是这样解的吗？

生气

是因为我真的委屈了

还是我自己针对性地在无理取闹？

沉默

不是因为我真的能够让时间冲淡那情绪

只是因为我知道若我沉不住气

随之而来的会是一滩眼泪

和一堆无法愈合的伤口

可是我清楚知道

这样的逃避

只会让雪球越滚越大

所以

我到底应该怎样面对

这突然袭击而来的风波？

微

是我变了吗？

有这样的情绪的自己

我不认识

今天认识了

发现我不喜欢这个自己

happy birthday :D

babi lim,

wanted to come out with a long long post for you, but then...no new ideas, so you refer back last year's post okay? haha :D

just today, we skyped for about 15minutes. was it because we were both doing our own things on hand, or was it because we haven't been talking for such a long time already? i had the feeling that the conversation stopped because we were not talking, not because we are doing our own stuff. sorry for not taking the initiatives to start up a conversation, i was in my dining hall and so it was quite awkward to go deeper into any private conversation. after all, i still prefer face-to-face bedtime talking with you la. faster come back and come my house pillow talk. lolz...

in short. happy birthday!

and ohya, see you very soooooooooooon.

kaiwei :)

电话里

听到你的期待

听到你的失望

听到你的无奈

那句“哦，酱不用紧啦”

听得我好心疼

好内疚

好不知所措

责怪自己

为什么

让你们期待了

又再次让你们失望

无奈

我也不想这样

只是有时候

身不由己

答应你，答应你们

明天以后

会好好补偿

微 :)

今晚的会议

希望

让我觉得我不回去。值得

good night world

my fault.

to try to reach everyone at the wrong timing.

good night, is, perhaps, the right-est words to say to the whole world right now.

so, good night world.

kaiwei :(

owh...

there are still so much more for me to learn.

pray hard i don't screw things up this time.

i know you put a high faith on me to call me in.

i know you put a good trust on me to convince all others to trust me as well.

just hope, i won't disappoint you at last.

just hope, everything will turn out to be good and steady at last.

just hope, we can still hold up as good friends and good mates at last.

gosh i feel soooooooo alone right now.

haven't been feeling so helpless standing here as a leader but not doing what i am supposed to be doing.

i need somebody, anybody, reliable. i mean, RELIABLE.

sorry to blurt this out, but still, this is so bulllllshit.

i am sorry to not being able to help when you think i can. at the same time i hope i don't need to say i am sorry at the end of the day for the same reason.

come on leekaiwei! life still goes on when everyone turns their back on you busy doing their own things. life still goes on although sometimes it sucks...

kaiwei :(

things are messy.

minds are messy.

commitment are messy.

preparation messy.

planning and organizing messy.

bloody hell.

i didnt expect all these to be in such a mess.

like... come on, you are also a leader and you should know what is your responsibility.

was that my fault?

was it because of my lack of supervise?

or was it because of my bloody useless leadership skills?

or rather, was it because my heart is not commit at all in this?

guess i'm certainly so not ready on this type of long-distance leadership matters yet...

save me, anyone?

support me, anyone?

back me up, anyone?

screw.

kaiwei :(