love letter to my love, 大姐

dajie!!! haha. i'm sure you have been clicking into my page since 12am again and again to check out if there is any 'relevant' new post meant for you. well, there you go, i am a little bit not punctual like i always do, so i guess you won't be too surprise on this. haha.

cut the craps, i only want to say...

happy birthday!

good night.

haha.

not long enough?

hmm...

let me think...

what content can i put in to come out with a long long long birthday post oh? both of us not so used to this kind of 'meat numb' conversation wert. haha. well, after almost 8 years of knowing each other, almost 5 years of being siblings to each other, we only get closer since few years back. you know la, you were never those easy-to-get-close type until we met again in matriculation.

come to think of you, the feelings are very complicated, hard to explain. close, yet not so close. understand? don't leh? i told you they are complicated. i knew you have been very protective to me ever since matriculation time. although we have about 10 pretty ladies in our clique, but both of us are always the closest aren't we? those time, throughout the 10 months period of my matric life, first 1-2 months were great and new and exciting, later then, they sucks and you know why. i always put these words over my mouth, saying that the time in KMNS was the darkest moment in my life over this 21 years since i met the world. but i am still glad i had you, and i had all of you during that 10 months. remember the letter that you wrote to me when i went to bath that day? advised me in a scolding way. but still made me touch don't worry, so it works. i knew who cared about me the most and who was the one who SAID he cared but he neevr really does. i knew i was being stupid for trying to make others feel better and keep myself in the last of my list of person to be taken care of. i knew i am going to regret it like how i do now but i was still being stubborn to not listen to you. aiyo... long old nasty story, better don't talk too much about it in this very happy big day hor? just want to let you know i still keep that letter with me, safely between the pages of my diary. i used to read it over again time to time, but forgive me that i tried not to read it too often, because i don't really want to remind myself of those long old nasty story that used to screw my life before. haha.

i always feel very very very lucky that i still have you here in my university life. i don't have to go through the lonely trying-to-adapt-myself period when first step into university life because i knew i can always go to you when i am alone. and then of course, we still have our own good friends to get along with (you have more of them, for sure, because i basically only have little run that time. haha) i used to worry that we will soon be too far from each other when you start to get better along with your group of friends. i won't call it jealous (because your 小妹 don't jealous! haha) but the feeling do exist. when you get too close with them that you couldn't take care of me like you used to anymore. when you get too close with them that you have to choose between me and them to hang out with after exam. when you get too close with them that i have to be understanding and thoughtful enough to not force you to be with me anywhere anytime like a pair of sticky sisters+besties. well well... just one thing, we never keep hard feelings do we? that's why i always say you are my best 大姐，and my 大姐 is always the best. haha.

my dear 大姐, you watched me grow from a green fresh cute little form 1 girl to a blue mature 3rd year undergrad's lady. you used to say i am your role model, that you always hope to be like me one day, if i didnt remember wrongly? well, actually, what so nice about being like me huh? except i am sometimes a LITTLE BIT noob and always VERY noisy... the fact is, deep inside my heart i know there are still a lot for me to improve and learn from you. the way you always do your best in everything that you are doing, whether you like them or not. the way you always go all out and strive for perfect in everything you do. the way you want to learn and make yourself a better person in things that you are not good in, try to speak and try to speak in English as much chances as you can. the way you challenge yourself just to prove to everyone else on your ability, and at last you did achieved whatever you wanted to achieve. a great salute to you!

for one whole semester, i have been thinking a lot about us. about us being not so close as days passed. was it really the thing that is really happening? since when we begin to talk less to each other, share less secrets to each other, be really polite to each other, discuss only about academic and works to each other... i guess you felt the same thing too, but we were just too immersed in our own busy schedules and more important responsibilities on hand to really try to eke out time to talk over it. well, i hope, and i really hope, that everything will go back to normal like before soon, possible? we will fight with each other without mercy, we will take care of each other but in an unsound way, we will share secrets and gossips and problems with each other again. shall we?

i know you sure miss me very much in this few months time. don't worry, another few months to go and we can meet everyday again, so be patient! haha. please give a little face and say you miss me, at least a bit la, please~ haha. anyway, last words in this long naggy post that i also don't know what i am crapping about. come on, it is already 1am midnight and i normally go to bed before 12am now that it's my boring holiday. happy birthday, and 小妹 wish you a very good luck in everything you do. may you achieve your life goal after you graduated, may you meet your life partner before you graduated, may you finally realised how lovely your 小妹 is before you sleep after reading this post!

happy birthday. 生日快乐. selamat hari jadi.

with loooooots of love,

小妹

you, who are always trying to be low profile, but failed, of course.

you, who never like to eat vege...

you, who always pretend to be serious, but the fact is sampat-meter will hit the maximum point when tested on you.

you, who always stay with me no matter how stupid act i'm doing, or how my stupid act makes you look even more stupid.

you, who i am always proud to have, who coloured my life even better, who made my family tree even more complete to have not just two brothers, but another sister to be with always!

thanks for spending your precious auditor time to finish reading this post.

urm.. i meant...

if you did finish reading it.

good night.