Better

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Ahkem...paiseh, i just feel like typing. haha. these are all the names of my friends that crossed my mind when i'm writting this post. in fact, not ALL, because there're still a lot more i didn't type them out. there're ex-SBSians, ex-CONNAUGHTians, 雪隆区学记，外坡学记 and also no-specific-category people. feel free to search your own name from this no-stopping-namelist, if you're really that free la. lol.

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Yeejin is right. writting a blog really does helps in making me feel better. there's difference between a blog and a personal diary. in a blog you're realeasing your feelings to others while in a personal diary you're releasing back your feelings to yourself. well of course you'll feel happier sharing the happy feelings either with others of with yourself, but what about the unhappy one? sharing is caring. but not with yourself in this case. haha. =p

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-kaiwei-

Part-time KAKAK.

1,2,3,4,5...90. today is the 90th days since 1st december where i live without kakak (or 'kkk' in short, according to jijian). 90 days mean 12 weeks. 90 days mean 3 months! proud to say that i'm still alive. haha. i guess those who know already knew (what kind of language is this 'those who know already knew'!)the reason why kakak will leave my house. sobs... >.<>.<) haha.

-kaiwei-

I miss you...

i found myself are getting abnormal recently. i mean my mood la. nothing actually happens and make me unhappy, but somehow i often feel like there are something blocking me to laugh wholeheartedly. sometimes i feel like scream out loud. sometimes i feel like crying. sometimes i feel like run away to nowhere. sometimes even a small and insignificant word or utter from a friend can provoke me to get angry. (fortunately, i get to cooled down myself on time ^^) i had been pondering the main contributor behind these scenario...

perhaps it's because i'm still not used to the change of environment in my life. i had graduated from secondary school, (unless i'm going to form 6, which i don't think i will) i already started my working life. friends around me are different than last time now. seriously i miss my OLD friends very much. although i can still meet and hear them once in a while, but don't know why i just miss them. my new friends at work are pretty nice, no problem getting along with them besides no-speaking-chinese-AT-ALL in our conversations. but i do feel lonely in some moment because no matter how, 'these friends are not those friends'.(omigosh, which planet's language am i using, haha) yesterday night i read some of my friends' blog. and was quite blue as i read about them hanging out together but i didn't get to join. lol i realised that i started to lost treck with my most of my friends and only keep in touch with a few of them. i was thinking is it possible for us to have a party-gathering at somewhere, and there's no limits on how many peoples and who can attend. everyone are invited. i don't mind there are clogging where we just stick with the same few close friends and bother nothing about others who are not so close. because i just want to be with you guys. haha, sounds quite hard isn't? =p

one more thing! my brother went to Kota Bharu, Kelantan for his pilot training last month. since then, i hardly see or hear him. actually this is not the first time he leave home for study, in fact i never expect that i will have any different feeling like when he went matriculation and upm last time, but it's really different this time. his college during matric time was at negeri sembilan, which is quite near as we can still see him every weekend or at least once in a fortnight. upm is just 20minutes car ride from our house, that is even much easier for us to see him. but KELANTAN! never calculate how long we need to reach there by car, i only know that it's 45 minutes by plane. -_-" he can only come back here when he has about one week holiday. if not mistaken only 4 times in this 1 and a half year. as we grown up, i argue lesser and lesser with him and we share about our feelings or any thoughts more and more. i miss the moment where i can have a person to seek for help when i'm stuck in dealing with computer problems. i miss the moment where i can ask for his opinion on what boys normally like. i miss the moment when he talk to me when he had a fight with his girlfriend. i miss the moment when he's dam proud of himself for knowing when i have boyfriend and when i broke up with my boyfriend eventhough me myself never tell him that. i miss the moment when we share about what we think about life. i miss the moment when he tell a lot of lame jokes and our house congested with laughters from everyone few seconds later. duh, i just miss the moment when he's around.

hehui! i think i'm in the same 'dilemma' as u were before this. only yours is sister but mine is brother that differs. (that's why use the title that you had used before for this post, can't think of any others that are more suitable) hmmmph... >.<

i'm having fervent desire of going for a vacation! go relax. relax. relax....to calm down my mind, and to find back the original me. actually i have quite a lot of chance to relax and peace down my mind at home as i didn't work everyday.but i just....want to go for vacation! XD

-kaiwei-

Mafia class. haha.

my brother and i.

this photo was taken during last year chinese new year. wow, it's 2008 now!

Lovely family

I realised that I hardly post up any photos here hor? On December 2007, my family and I went to a studio at Klang to take some non-candid family photos. My mum get to choose 2 kind of wedding gauns, while the others got 1 formal attire. The results were not very bad. Well, of course la, we paid for that!

What are these peoples looking at? Believe it or not, we're actually laughing at a piece of SHYT...

What a lovely family. Haha.

Omigosh, the princess was attacked by both of her prince brothers!

Heheh... Get punished at last.

The king and the princess. Perfect match.

再见亦是朋友

分手后亦是好朋友，这句话我赞成。
告白被拒绝后亦是好朋友，这句话我也赞成。
但真的那么难吗？
可能因为我是女生，也不曾主动向男生告白，所以没尝过被拒绝的滋味，不知道为什么那么难。

一对男女，感情不错，见面时除了谈公事其余的时间都和对方一起谈笑风生，平时偶尔通个电话，偶尔传传简讯，偶尔在网上聊天。有一次，男生向女生告白。突如其来的告白，女生慌了，最后也没接受这男生，他只把男生当成好朋友，好哥哥。之后，男生很久很久都没联络女生。他们见面只谈公事，平时也没通电话，没传简讯，没在网上聊天。一直到现在，其实女生每次见到男生，都希望能和他像以前那样毫无顾忌地谈天玩闹，但男生跟她说话时总是有点尴尬。

我不喜欢这样。为什么不能自然地恢复之前那样的感情？情侣分手后都能成为对方的知心，何况是根本都没开始过情侣关系的朋友。
其实，我只是觉得就这样失去一个朋友很不值得。

一对男女，一直都是很好很好的朋友，甚至常被人误会是情侣，但两人也只是微笑回应，反正否认也没用。有一次，男生向女生告白了。女生拒绝了，他只把男生当成很好很好的朋友。之后，女生没想过疏远男生，男生也没觉得友谊受影响，两人反而比以前更了解对方，更珍惜对方这朋友。一直到现在，两人还是很好很好的朋友，还是有被人误会是情侣，还是以微笑回应。

这样不是很好吗？

Messages to my dear friends...

I am seriously not a 'blogging kaki' because I always blank when it comes to post up something. Actually I have quite a lot of things that I want to blog about, but somehow it always takes me an hour to type many words, and at last just deleted it by one click. Haha. By the way, I suddenly thought of writting something for my friends, after the FAMILY thingy.

8poh! I know you'll smile quietly in front of the computer when you read this, don't be too proud la ok. Haha. After we leave SBS you're the only one who went to Petrosains paid for the entrance and went in just to talk with me! And thanks to that also, you had the chance to meet the leng chai-est facilitator in there hor? He really leng chai leh! But I long time didn't see him at work already wor, afraid of seeing you again? Haihz... Btw, all the while you always be with me when I'm in need, listen to me when I'm down, crap with me when I'm bored, laugh with me when we're crapping... Really appreciate that. There were some unhappy memories between us before this, but I'm glad to say that those incidents didn't be the impediment for us to build up a stronger friendship bond. Honestly I really thought that our friendship will just end like that after what happened in Form 4, but I'm happy to see that you had became more mature in the way you think and act since then. Know what? I learnt a lot from you also. I like the way you laugh when you're happy, the way you try to make yourself happy when you're sad, the way you get frus when you're angry, and the way you care for you friends that you care. 8poh, appreciate what you're having now and go for what you want in the future. Hope you live happily ever after with your bendan la. Although I know you always 'heavy colour forgo friends', still, don't forget I'm always here for you when you need, just like what you always did for me. Muakks!

Baobei! Hmmm... I called you baobei since....Form 2 hor? Remember the time we draw mural together? hehe. Your trademark is...BLURR! Your innocent face makes people can't even raise up their voices to you even when they really angry. I swear, I never have unhappy feeling with you ever since I know you. Haha. Only sometimes cannot stop myself to feel like want to scold you because you always don't know how to say 'no' to your friends even it's hard for you to help them. Jin, thanks for being with me when I'm totally lost. Thanks for helping me to keep all my secrets. Thanks for letting me know that there is still genuine friendship in this world. Thanks for remembering to contact with me once a while even you're super busy with your assignments nowadays. Although you always missed out our gathering or outing, but I promised I won't forget you whenever we have a gethering or outing de la. Hehe. Love you o~

Yan... Erm... Erm... Erm... Don't know what to say to you lo. We get close only since end of Form 4, if not mistaken it's because of a breakup with akhem. Right? You always like to act tough, never want to tell us when you have a problem or when you're not happy. How many times had I told you hor, keeping everything for yourself will get heart attack de ar! Lol. The yan yan i know is a SS girl, (well, if standing with us then become SS girls la of course) never want to admit lose one, sometimes quite easy to get bu shuang but at the same time saying it's your 1st time bushuang at somebody. Everytime also 1st time hor? Haha. Okay la, I think that's all. Cannot say too many 'touchy' words between us, this is not our style! >.<

Ju. Pi Pi! The lame-est and sampat-est and noisy-est among all. No matter how long we never meet each other I can only see you getting lamer and lamer but not more steady and quiet. haha. if think about the moment we had together, you always have your smile and laughther but not tears. we never get to know your problem when you have any, as you will keep every sorrow to yourself also. Your case is more serious than yan! Sharing is caring. this is what you always say right? make sure yourself can share not only joy but sorrow with others, this can prevent heart attact de ar. anyhow, we're friends, don't we? Thanks for all the trips and gathering and outing and parties that you had organised for us, these really help in keeping all of us in contact. I like the few sentences you wrote in the present you gave me, " Rain nor shine shall not destrop the strong and lasting bond between us" ^^

He Hui! Suprise to see your name here? don't too proud la, give face to you only put you in the list one. haha. Hmmm, among all the close friends I have, i think i knew you longest. since standard 4 or 5 huh? wow... so can we consider 青梅竹马？haha. but 'officially', i only get to know you since mid of form 3, when we met in mrs yuen tuition? since that time, i always receive your just-wanna-talk-with-you calls. i know i had used up a lot of your dad's phone bills de. shhh...don't tell uncle ar. always confidence in yourself, and sometimes over-confidence. glad that you had accompany me to go through a lot of miserable moments, no matter in friendship, love or problem with families. and sorry too, as i did hurt you in...well, you know la. haha. maybe our destiny is just best friends, and that's all. peoples say there are never pure friendship between a male and a female who are very close with each other? i doubt that, very very much. lol. hey, just want to let you know, stuff like a relationship, there's no exact saying right and wrong. i know you're that kind of person that stay firm in your opinion unless proven wrong, but sometimes in love, a lot of things are not like what you think. every girls have their own perspective in treating a relationship. hope you will find your true love one day. no worry, every succeessful ending happened after many failures. haha. gambate and good luck!

大坏蛋！你的待遇比较不一样，我们的“媒介语”只能是华语的，英语传达不到讯息。呵呵。酱多朋友之中你最令我担心的了，好像我的大哥哥，但又不是很会照顾自己。当时你跟我说你生病了，我看着手机里的讯息久久都不懂要如何反应。这是第一次我身边的人这么严重地生病。我懂你很坚强，你也答应过我不会轻易放弃，更承诺过你一定会战胜病魔。小坏蛋虽然不能在你身边给你加油打气，但我隔空传给你的鼓励与勇气你一定要收到，知道吗？其实想起我们的相遇，有一点点不一样哦？来自吉隆坡和马六甲的两个家伙在柔佛认识了，各自回家后只靠手机简讯联络，但还是能很有默契的很在乎对方这朋友。两年前的相识后我们只见过两次面，对吧？一次我们一起去波德申玩，一次你来马新营我去找你。别忘记你还欠我一次见面，你说过会上来吉隆坡找我，你说过要我帮你选衣服，你说过也要买件衣服给我的。现在你生病了，所以我准你延迟兑现这承诺，但我没忘记的哦。我会等你好起来。所以你一定要好起来。以前你说为什么我和昭扬他们只是‘森雪一条心’，都没有‘马森雪一条心’，现在我就给你‘大小坏蛋一条心’！大坏蛋，我珍惜我们真挚的友谊，我珍惜我们纯纯的友谊，我珍惜我们不用声音只靠文字也能保持巩固的友谊，我珍惜我们自然对对方的关心，我珍惜我们不用见面也能对对方的信任。为了这值得珍惜的朋友，你要加油，我也会为你加油。记得我们坏蛋家族的族规哦~要开心要快乐要幸福要健康要坚持到底...

AKhem, such a long post. It takes me few hours to finish this. I admit myself as a super forgetful and blurr girl, so if I left out anyone please don't feel offence. And you know, I'm really long breath, if I talk about everyone I want it will takes more more than few HOURS... That's all la. Love you all my friends. I cannot assure you guys that there will be 'friendship forever' between everyone of us, but I really appreciate all the friends I have. Hope you are the same. ^^

-kaiwei-

Happy Birthday

10th February. Special day for a special someone. Happy birthday to you. ^^

Family...

Last week, when i was deep BLUE mood, someone suggested me a meaningful 'activity. he asked me to on some soft music, close my eyes, calm my mind, and think about four most significant persons in my life. think about how i treat them in these past few years. then, start thinking what situation i would be in when these four of them suddenly dead without any augur. i haven't even get to sit in front of the computer and on any music before i broke into tears. well, it's true that part of the tears that day were out of another reason, but still, tears ran down more profusely after the thought of 'losing my loves one' slipped through my mind. tears were wetting my cheeks and pillow, yet leading me to an aghast that i couldn't bear with being apart of anyone of them forever. i don't even get to see any images of myself being in a life without them before fear and sadness conquered me.

instead of just four. many faces pop up in my mind when the words 'most significant person' are mentioned. i thought about my grandpa, grandma, dad, mum, brothers, few of my friends...

Grandpa and grandma. i lives with them when i was one year old if i'm not mistaken. but i was too baby to remember anything during that period. the strong bond between these grandparents and grand daughter just formed like that and become stronger as time passed. argh... i actually found myself speechless in saying things about my grandma and grandpa. IN A NUTSHELL, it's love.

Dad. Hmmm.. sometimes i feel that he's the greatest dad in the world because he cares about us so much and he always shows his unconditional loves to us through actions but not words. there is also sometimes that i feel he is being unfair and a bit overbearing. when his mood is below OKIE, never ever try to do a bit mistake or request something unnecessary. the percentage of getting a 'yes' is below 10%. haha. when his mood is beyond OKIE, the situation is vice versa. but of coarse, a rainbow can disappear in one second and followed by storm and thunder! >.< i have a dad who has extensive knowledges. i have a dad who can never stop working even during a holiday. i have a dad who loves eating drumstick yet never sound out just because he knows his children love it too. i have a dad who always offers himself to fetch his children to anywhere whenever he's free, and will try to make himself free if he's not. i have a dad who is adverse at wasting any stuff especially books, but never hesitate to spend the money buying books for his children. i have a dad who wish to give his children all the best things, but never spoiled them. i have a dad who hardly teach his children about what is right and what is not right, yet all his children know what is right and what is not right, mostly la. Hehe. me, as a daughter of my papa, am grateful to be his daughter. i always wanted to but never dare to say it out, that i love him. anyhow, i believe he knew it even without me telling it. ^^

Mum. i wrote her the 1st letter last 2 years. and she replied me the 1st letter last 2 years. it was mother's day if not mistaken. hehe. i'm not sure whether is tat letter the main 'contributor', my relationship with my mum actually became closer since then. we have more topics to talk together. we have more jokes to laugh together. before this, i was an introvert daughter who hardly speak out my thoughts to my parents, especially when i was facing any problems or upset moments. as i grew up, i starts to share interesting thoughts and stories that i faced in daily life with my mum. the feeling is really amazing when i actually chat with mum inside the car all the way long from house to school. sounds a bit "WHAT???!!" to those who always have endless talks with mum right? but this is really what i feel. XD so now my biggest wish is to keep up this kind of relationship with mum and improve the relationship with dad! kinda, hard, for a person like me, who only knows how to use my imagination well but lost all the courages when it comes to real actions. but i'll try! =/

Brothers. it was just within this 1 or 2 years since my 1st secret-sharing or private-chatting conversation with my elder brother. it was about the same time also since i realized that my little brother and i argue lesser and lesser compared to last time. well, after all, we are siblings right? there is always an unbreakable bond between three of us no matter how fierce or how mad we were during a fighting. gor gor went to further his studies at kota bahru, kelantan and soon will starts his career as a pilot. seriously i hates the feeling being apart from someone who has been staying under one roof with me for like...17 years, although i only starts to learn to appreciate this recently. however, of coarse deep in the bottom of my heart i feel happy and proud for him because he had succeed to achieve his childhood dream! bravo~ ^^ as for my little brother, still having a little sloth in his studies, which is the impediment to his excellent achievement, but i believes and hopes that he will also succeed to aim at his goal in his life. well, good result is important to provide one with guaranteed job, but bad result doesn't mean it is the end of one's life right? add oil add oil... =)

i don't know why and i don't know how, i starts to realize the importance of communicate with my family members since passed few years. well, sharing is caring right? =p unfortunately, i have not achieve the kind of flawless relationship with my parents yet. we do have a thin barrier between us during certain conversation such as when i'm upset or unsatisfied with them. however, anyhow, no matter what, i truthfully hope that from this second onwards, laughters and happiness will stay close between all of us, and that we can feel and appreciate the loves deep from each other's hearts before it is too late. Love you guys a lot! ^^

-kaiwei-