I miss you...

i found myself are getting abnormal recently. i mean my mood la. nothing actually happens and make me unhappy, but somehow i often feel like there are something blocking me to laugh wholeheartedly. sometimes i feel like scream out loud. sometimes i feel like crying. sometimes i feel like run away to nowhere. sometimes even a small and insignificant word or utter from a friend can provoke me to get angry. (fortunately, i get to cooled down myself on time ^^) i had been pondering the main contributor behind these scenario...

perhaps it's because i'm still not used to the change of environment in my life. i had graduated from secondary school, (unless i'm going to form 6, which i don't think i will) i already started my working life. friends around me are different than last time now. seriously i miss my OLD friends very much. although i can still meet and hear them once in a while, but don't know why i just miss them. my new friends at work are pretty nice, no problem getting along with them besides no-speaking-chinese-AT-ALL in our conversations. but i do feel lonely in some moment because no matter how, 'these friends are not those friends'.(omigosh, which planet's language am i using, haha) yesterday night i read some of my friends' blog. and was quite blue as i read about them hanging out together but i didn't get to join. lol i realised that i started to lost treck with my most of my friends and only keep in touch with a few of them. i was thinking is it possible for us to have a party-gathering at somewhere, and there's no limits on how many peoples and who can attend. everyone are invited. i don't mind there are clogging where we just stick with the same few close friends and bother nothing about others who are not so close. because i just want to be with you guys. haha, sounds quite hard isn't? =p

one more thing! my brother went to Kota Bharu, Kelantan for his pilot training last month. since then, i hardly see or hear him. actually this is not the first time he leave home for study, in fact i never expect that i will have any different feeling like when he went matriculation and upm last time, but it's really different this time. his college during matric time was at negeri sembilan, which is quite near as we can still see him every weekend or at least once in a fortnight. upm is just 20minutes car ride from our house, that is even much easier for us to see him. but KELANTAN! never calculate how long we need to reach there by car, i only know that it's 45 minutes by plane. -_-" he can only come back here when he has about one week holiday. if not mistaken only 4 times in this 1 and a half year. as we grown up, i argue lesser and lesser with him and we share about our feelings or any thoughts more and more. i miss the moment where i can have a person to seek for help when i'm stuck in dealing with computer problems. i miss the moment where i can ask for his opinion on what boys normally like. i miss the moment when he talk to me when he had a fight with his girlfriend. i miss the moment when he's dam proud of himself for knowing when i have boyfriend and when i broke up with my boyfriend eventhough me myself never tell him that. i miss the moment when we share about what we think about life. i miss the moment when he tell a lot of lame jokes and our house congested with laughters from everyone few seconds later. duh, i just miss the moment when he's around.

hehui! i think i'm in the same 'dilemma' as u were before this. only yours is sister but mine is brother that differs. (that's why use the title that you had used before for this post, can't think of any others that are more suitable) hmmmph... >.<

i'm having fervent desire of going for a vacation! go relax. relax. relax....to calm down my mind, and to find back the original me. actually i have quite a lot of chance to relax and peace down my mind at home as i didn't work everyday.but i just....want to go for vacation! XD

-kaiwei-

Mafia class. haha.

my brother and i.

this photo was taken during last year chinese new year. wow, it's 2008 now!