不要错放了幸福温暖的手

found this meaningful passage in cousin's blog. so i'm sharing it up here with everyone. hope he don't sue me for intruding his copyright. lol >.<

往往许多人在抉择伴侣时，容易东想西想，不知所措，就是因为害怕一时做错决定, 看错人，造成终生的遗憾。 诺贝尔文学奖得主萧伯纳说：“此时此刻在地球上，约有两万个人适合当你的人生伴侣，就看你先遇到哪一个， 如果在第二个理想伴侣出现之前，你已经跟前一个人发展出相知相惜、互相信赖的深层关系，那后者就会变成你的好朋友，但是若你跟前一个人没有培养出深层关系，感情就容易动摇、变心，直到你与这些理想伴侣候选人的其中一位拥有稳固的深情， 才是幸福的开始，漂泊的结束。

爱上一个人不需要靠努力，只需要靠“际遇”，是上天的安排，但是“持续地爱一个人” 就要靠“努力”， 在爱情的经营中，顺畅运转的要素就是体谅、包容与自制 (面临诱惑有所自制)。有许多人总是被际遇”所迷惑与苦恼，意念不停、欲念不断、争逐不散，而忘了培养经营感情的能力才是幸福的关键。

所以不要去追问到底谁才是我的Mr.Right，而是n问说在眼前的伴侣关系中，我能努力到什么程度、成长到什么程度，若没有培养出经营幸福的能力，就算真的Mr.Right出现在你身边，幸福依然会错过的，而活在犹疑与遗憾当中，这不就是许多“爱情虚无症”的遭遇与心态吗？

若你此刻已有一位长久相伴的伴侣，不要再随便三心二意地犹疑了，我们往往不易察觉感情中的一个陷阱，就是“近亲生慢侮”，也就是经济学中的铁律“边际效益递减法则”，跟你在一起越久的人，就越容易麻木与忽视，而新鲜的“际遇”总是那么动人可爱。

在感情对待中，难免有摩擦与无心的伤害，而且论得罪自己的次数累加起来最多的人，当然是跟我们在一起最久、最亲近的人。而新欢呢，又还没开始有得罪你的机会，再加上他的刻意讨好，所以新欢怎么看怎么可爱，旧爱怎么看怎么讨厌。但别忘了，新欢身上总是有不确定的未知数，旧爱身上就是有难得的熟悉感、确定感、信赖感。千万不要随便在偶然的“际遇”中迷失了自己，错放了幸福温暖的手。

所以萧伯纳的话，是要提醒情人不要太钻牛角尖于寻觅那唯一，应该把精神用在学会经营幸福的能力上，同时也提醒我们“弱水三千只取一瓢饮”若有幸遇到了难得的伴侣，就不要再三心二意了， 因为我们永远不知道一生何时会遇到两万个其中的几个，所以要知福惜福、活在当下。

officially, i have been single for almost a year. but un-officially, it was just a few months back since i actually completely pull myself out from any whatsoever relationship. (those who knew will know what i'm crapping here, those who don't know, i don't think you need to know it. haha) honestly, sometimes i do feel lonely, especially seeing friends around me are having their sweet and lovely partner in their life. i do long for a someone special to be with me... SOMETIMES only la. haha.

i used to be a lousy girlfriend, (and i know i will still be one IF i have a boyfriend now) that's one of the reason why my heart is not open for anyone to enter yet. i'm simply just not ready for it. however, i did learnt a lot from my previous relationship. what a pathetic, people tend to start learning only after they have no turning back in mending the mistakes committed in the past. haha. somehow, i am still naive-ly looking forward to meet my Mr Right someday later, and i believe when the 'someday' comes, i will able to make myself not the best, but at least a better girlfriend to my HIM.

before this, i think if we really love each other, all the difficulties and problems can be overcome easily as these two lovers can hold their hands tight and solve them all together. when a couple break up, whatever reasons they give are not true except one - one or both of them don't love each other anymore. but after that, i realized i was wrong. erm, not all, but i was partially wrong. there are, many many other factors to be taken into consideration when we decide to start a relationship with someone. (well of course, this is provided we hope to bring this relationship as the last relationship in our life) during the process, if we found out that there are many differences between us, how much we can tolerate with each other will decide the ending of this relationship. ohya, not to forget, also how much we can control ourselves from doing something stupid which can blow the whole thing up. there are few forbidden lines that nobody can afford to cross over. and if one really did, that's it, life-time regret. lol.

duh... enough of craps. in this middle of the night, i don't actually manage to align my words with my thoughts properly. sorry for the crappy opinion of mine. however, i still think the excerpt from my cousin's blog is meaningful. hehe. good night. Zzzz...

kaiwei :)

sometimes i feel contented
sometimes i feel empty
sometimes i feel nothing
but most of the time
i feel blurr...
:P