20122011 happy birthday to me

20122011

time flies.

here is the big day.

at last.

happy 21st birthday to me.

many many words to be articulated, will do it soon so that i can keep the feelings right.

for now, good night! muackks~

kaiwei :)

心态+专心

山不转路转，

路不转人转，

人不转心转。

我的心态

是时候转一转了

甘愿也得做

不甘愿也得做

不如抛开所有不切实际的抱怨

专心把眼前的工作做完就好

专心一点

就会发现要作的事情其实没那么多

就会发现我有的时间其实没那么少

今日方程式：

心态+专心=没什么大不了

加油！

微 :)

给远方的你

谢谢你的信息

谢谢你的鼓励

谢谢你的加油打气

要一起加油哦

三个星期后

你一定会顺利通过你的考试的

random crap

falling sick.

yes, not yet, just fall-ING sick.

sorethroat. getting better and now become itchy-throat.

cough.

flu.

headache.

fatigue.

are all these symptoms of something?

yes, i have not been treating myself well enough these days.

assignments and midsem exams and event.

and time for my procrastination on, basically, everything i'm doing.

great.

i feel so tired on all these non-stop hectic life. wonder where my motivation goes?

and i feel alone.

alone.

and so alone. sometimes.

homesick.

good night.

kaiwei :(

一个人

独立点吧，女孩！

事实是

没有人的世界因为你而转

更不会因为你而停止转动

你一直向前迈进

创造更完美的自己

当然

你身边的每一个人也一样

有自己的梦想

有自己要完成的完美

对

不管你对任何人多么重要

你不可能是任何人的全世界

所以

女孩

不要依赖

不要软弱

要学会

接受一个人时的沉寂

加油！

微 :)

大学第三年，真的不容易 :(

can you give me a hug?

and a shoulder, too.

kaiwei =.=

at times

i am not sure at what point shall i stand
i am not sure what words can i use to not make things worse

i am not sure whether should i stay or should i proceed further

and i am not sure

whether am i doing good enough or the other way round

there are times

when i don't know

what can i expect from you and from myself
anymore

talk to the hearts, can we?


kaiwei

眼泪

有时候

沉默
玩笑
的背后

藏的是眼泪

我的眼泪
你看到了吗？

微

维持

到底

怎么样的沟通方式

怎么样的相处方式

怎么样的体谅方式

最适合我们

有时候

就算你在我身边

我还是会觉得你好遥远

有时我真的会担心

你我的各自忙碌

会把那最想珍惜的珍惜

交换去了

“维持”

我该如何应付这难题？

微

是我又情绪化了吗？

喧哗后的孤单

事实是

很多时候

在这条道路上

我依然只是一个人

苦与压力

诉了又如何

到最后

该面对时还是得单枪匹马

到最后

你们也只能做到陪伴与支持

并肩作战？

有时候

我必须了解

有心无力的定义

此时此刻

我是孤单的

:(

当然

依然庆幸有你们的支持

才能暂时让我松懈

从来不觉得

你们那里做得不够多

微 :)

great that i have you :)

i am surprise

that at the darkest moment in my day

i feel lots of loves and care and concern from friends who care

friends who really care

from you:

who reminds me of the good old memorable days, the day when everything start.

that was when the seed of friendship was planted in our hearts,

and that was when the sense of belonging to the home built up slowly until today.

very true, we belong to this family and of course i have the responsibility to make things work.

from you:

who gave me lots and lots of good advice and guidance, to bring me out from the darkness.

from you:

who makes me feel the existence of love and care so close that i thought you are just right beside my heart, and with just a simple sentence triggers the rolling tears in my eyes.

from you:

who never understand my problem, but always willing to stay with me.

who never want to tolerate with me, but i know you never meant it to be serious.

who used to be so so so close and deep inside my heart once upon a time.

from you:

who is always far, yet the feeling of friendship is never farther than a distance of two hearts next to each other.

who understands me the best even without articulation from me in words, and always get to put a silent smile on my face by saying the right words at the right time.

and of course, from you:

who cares for me the most, and so willing to sacrifice yourself just to make me feel better.

for all, i don't know what are the best words to show how much i appreciate your existence tonight, only a simple yet sincere phrase:

great that i have you.

kaiwei :)

lost in the mist

there are times

when i am lost

when i am indecisive on which direction should i go next

when i am doubtful on myself

when i am feeling so lonely on the route of making things work

at these times

i feel like i am going to collapse

i feel like the whole world is turning their back to me

i feel like no one is going to hear my cry

i feel like no one is going to see my tears

and i feel like giving up is the best results i can opt to

then i know,

maybe things are not so right anymore.

i should take a halt, a break and a deep breathing in

i should clear my mind, my soul and my heart

and perhaps throw myself some questions that drill back down to the root

"why am i here at the very first place?"

"who am i to be here at the very first place?"

"what am i going to achieve being here at the very first place?"

i ponder, ponder and i am still pondering...

being in this position, carrying this heavy burden on my shoulder,

what are the values that i am able to create for myself, the committees, the juniors and of course the event itself?

and most importantly, how should i follow closely to continuously add values to these people throughout my planning?

yes, people learn and grow from every falls.

but before i put myself in the steep route which is of high risk to falling

shall i ensure myself are well prepared with all equipment to hold the pain of falling?

so that after every falls, i am always ready to keep moving forward from the point of falling instead of going back to the starting point and start all over again.

yes, i shall get myself ready.

and if it is not now, when else can it be?

perhaps today i am lost in the mist,

and the days before today i was lost in the mist too

but after today,

i will try to find my way out.

and i am sure i will be able to find my way out.

this is a promise to you,

and to myself.

cheers,

kaiwei :)

when stress are ambushing

should i choose to run away or face it?

looks like i have no choice but to stay.

stress.

can you leave me alone then?

not so pretty director ><

friends come and leave, real friends stay.

some friends are so close yet so far, some friends are so far yet so close.

what type of friends am i to you?

and what type of friends are you to me?

hmmph...

今日静思语：

此刻，需要“十扑”

让我靠一靠肩膀

让我吐一吐苦水

如何才能带领大家

“守好岗位，彼此合齐，整体就能展现真善美”？

加油！

相信大家都比较喜欢有自信的凯微！

微

best photo of the year.

*applause*

with loves,

kaiwei :)

the last weekend of four months holiday

i shall cherish this beautiful events with a nice sweet full stop.

enjoy your holiday, i say.

bullshit, i replied.

hate school start.

miss holiday.

LOL

kaiwei :P

支持

你们知不知道

你们的赞同

对我多么重要

满意

我才能放心地继续努力

不满意

我就会失去继续的动力

对于这个他

很多时候

你们的眼神

你们的语气

你们的反应

让我不知所措

想知道

不喜欢的话

是因为什么

不满意的话

是因为什么

不放心的话

是因为什么

不相信的话

是因为什么

如果没有不喜欢 不满意 不放心 不相信

那么

可不可以笑一笑

让我知道你们一直支持我

微

珍惜

现在的我

知己

是我们珍惜对方最好的关系

熟悉

舒服

自然

不需要太完美

才是最完美的状态

也许

这样

就够了

微 :)

it turns clockwise when i think about him

it turns anti-clockwise when i think about him

it turns front and back when i think about him

so coooool

kaiwei :)

很想问一个问题

站在他的身边
你怎么知道
他就是你的永远？

那份肯定的感觉
那份坚决的感觉
那份相信的感觉
是怎样的

安全感

知道我为什么迟迟不敢踏出这安全区吗？

因为害怕失去
害怕失去那份感觉
害怕失去那份珍惜
害怕失去那份纯纯的幸福

挣扎
是因为我害怕失去你的同时
也害怕失去他

所以
有时候
宁愿选择不拥有

怎么越想紧握的时候
手里的东西却越容易脱落
可不可以
更努力一点
再次给我那失去了的安全感

那时候
你不是做得很好吗？

以为

饭局后

心情

会轻松很多

可是

回家后

心里那结

好像还是欠了什么

是要付诸实际行动了才会知道行不行得通吗？

那我说的三个月后

信心

会不会回来？

微

沟通

所谓的沟通

是这样的吗？

还是

我想得太完美了？

一直都认为

幸福很简单

平凡的午后

平凡的姐妹叙旧

平凡的一顿饭

平凡的一席话

让我的心情

顿时

豁达了

或许

我们也可以很好

只要我把相同的幸福观套在我和你之间

曾几何时的我们

不也是只要求那么简单的幸福吗？

答应自己

既然选择了放弃

就不应该再去比较

既然选择了接受

就不应该再去要求

坦然

坚持

知足

默契

珍惜

接受

这些伟大的词

说得何其容易

可是真正要学以致用

却没那么简单

我想

是因为我太幸福了吗？

随手可得的家人爱、朋友情

让我面对必须自己努力去争取的幸福时

胆怯了

懦弱了

一旦乱了脚步乱了方寸

就马上渴望回到那好不容易筑起的安全地带

我对谁都坚持相信

共识很重要

可是我们之间那所谓的consensus

去了哪？

兜兜转转

原来

我从来没有准备好

重新回到这个阔别多年的岗位

做什么都能得心应手的一个人

却一次又一次地败给这三个字

这一次

能成熟面对、诚实面对吗？

可以的

我相信只要不是一个人

一定可以的

微 :)

怎么

自从那天起

似乎忘了怎么好好沟通

这样想不对

那样做也不对

是我们

是你

还是只有我

生病了

微

那幸福的画面

想起那画面

会心一笑

那是

幸福的画面

因为有你们

让我觉得

我可以什么都不会

万事有你们

因为有你们

我像是受保护的公主

当个什么都不会的笨蛋

虽然常常被你们碎碎念

但也觉得温暖

对你

也许

心底的某个角落

曾经希望我们会是不一样的关系

可是依然

珍惜

现在的我们

对他

也许

心底某个角落

曾经不希望我的地位被分享

可是依然

珍惜

现在的我们

对我们

也许

用“朋友”来形容你们在我心里的身份

不够完美 不够贴切 不够特别

可是依然

珍惜

现在的

你

我

他

感谢你们

出现在我生命里

占据着那无可取代的位置

微 :)

很久

没有合照了

好像三年前的那一天后

就没有再合照了

拍张照，好吗？

owh.

i miss everyone.

i mean,

EVERYONE!!!

zzz

hate it when i screw things up.
hate it when i couldn't control the things that i am suppose to be controlling.
hate it when i disappoint someone that i wish so much to leave good impression.
hate it when i failed myself, and failed others.

too many things to share out recently.
too many stresses congesting my mind recently.

balance me up with some more delightful and happening feelings, anyone?
great, going sarawak tomorrow for a few days breakout.
but i have so many things undone here,
will i enjoy heartfully over the other side of the land?

hopefully. i can manage myself well.

i promised you to reform my good impression that they have on me.
i promised you to contribute my full commitment in all future endeavours.
i promised myself, to gain as much as i can from here and to offset the sacrifice i decided to put.

i made the promise, so this is where i will keep the promise.

kaiwei :)

looking forward for the family gathering when september comes!

蓝颜知己

你说的那份感觉

我和他之间，有吗？

再次与你聊天

同样那间房间

同样那把吉他

同样那个环境

同样那个画面

同样那张床

同样那个人

当然

同样那份感觉

这一次

多了一份珍惜

珍惜我们那既遥远又接近的距离

珍惜我们那不用说出口也能会心的了解

珍惜我们那不联络也不会觉得陌生的友谊

希望

这样的感觉

一直能维持

微

白天开心

晚上心烦

半夜失望

我选择

记下白天的感觉

a bad mood will not spoil a great outing.

it is supposed to be the other way round.

a great outing will recover a bad mood.

i had a bad mood. expecting it to spoil my great family outing.

luckily, the jokes and the laughs saved my mood.

kaiwei :)

being in this totally different crowd for just 2 months,

i know myself more.

i know i always play on the safe side.

i know i sometimes can't think calmly when in an argument.

i know i sometimes can't make decision very wisely when i need immediate response.

i know i can hardly control my temper when someone is against my stand.

i know... i have many spaces of improvement in organizing and planning.

and i know, i am tired of organizing and planning events at the moment.

hmmph, stay tough for another 2 weeks and here comes the official 30 hungry hours.

sincerely i hope we can get over this tough challenge together.

next? rest.

another next? no turning back, masc. huuu...

another next? REST. from events, not exam, of course.

gambate. good night.

kaiwei :)

half of my holiday is passed.

i have been spending non-stop since then.

but not working out for any income. not even a part time.

how should i judge this spending?

worth the value?

have been evaluating the value of 'four months holiday' for myself.

take the chance to work and earn some pocket money?

or take the chance to enjoy life

and do something that i might not even have the chance or time to do any more in the future?

i have my aims to achieve in this 4 months

but when i review my list of holiday plans in mind

not many of the items have been checked.

emo.

why is that so?

well it is always the same source of problem, always.

my determination. my self-discipline. my procrastination.

i know nobody can help on this matter beside myself.

have been giving myself so many excuses to wait and wait and wait.

i guess i really need a catalyst.

need somebody at my back to push me.

to remind me and i'm lacking of strong will.

to pull me back from the hole when laziness conquered me.

anyone, volunteer to work together with me to make me a better person?

haihz....

anyway, good night world.

kaiwei :)

怎么有时跟朋友

反而比跟家人更容易说心底话？

只是想问一问意见

却想了又想想了又想

还是不知从何开口

最近

跟你们一起时

又多了很多自己跟自己的内心对话

有很多话

想说

却不知怎么开口

你们

一个眼神

一个眉头

一个语气

都让我怯步

那一次

下定决心了

找个时机找个开场

来个心与心的对话

可是

七天 就这样过去了

还是没办法做到

明明是最亲的亲人

只差了一个辈分

怎么

多了这么多的挣扎？

是我的问题吗？

还是需要两方面的努力？

哎哟

真是伤脑筋

微

想知道

大家

近况如何？

微 :)

加油

这几天

心情莫名的低落

情绪莫名的躁

是怎么了？

原本期待星期四

现在期待星期五

希望

不要再有太多的突然

加油

加油

加油

笑一个

不要变璟瑶的公主

微 :)

回到现实的第一天

感觉 不好

也许

混在这圈子里太频太久

厌倦了

腻了

也累了

每一次的最后一次

都是这一次的上一次

那什么时候

才是真正的最后一次

不像继续

不表示永久性停止

只是

想暂时休息

暂时换些别的事情来忙

可是怎么每次

都说到

却做不到？

微

今晚其实想说

需要倾诉

需要拥抱

需要肩膀

需要你

i promised this is the last post of the night.

and only the right person can understand how much more i wanted to tell by just writing down these few simple lines.

happy sleepy birthday my dear.

to my ever dearest BFF...

i owe you a prezzie. in fact, not just ONE i guess. because i don't remember you have the same amount of birthday prezzie from me as that of the years we had known each other. haha.

anyway, love you, and sorry for not being with you on this important date with you once again. hmmph... muakks...

kaiwei :)

i wonder

when is the right time,

to start going a littleeeeeee bit moreeeeeeeeee

HIGH profile?

:P

after a week.

new experiences,

new exposures,

new friends,

new perspective of seeing the world.

and hopefully, a new better me.

:)

after a week.

here comes the works,

the stress,

the deadlines,

the nags,

the urgency...

oh yeah, the reality.

after a week.

yes, i've been missing you :)

happy birthday, again.

another birthday post. why is there so many birthday boys and girls this month har? haha.

this time, it is our lovely little run. 跑儿，or i prefer calling her 小闰...

actually, i am really very very very lazy to write anything long up here tonight. but just, i am leaving to Taiwan tomorrow, so if i were to give a belated birthday post, it will be at least a week later, and that will be too late. so, here am i...

let's start with.... haha. of course, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY is always necessary.

so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY my dear :)

we are always sticking together since we were in UM. looking backwards, we knew each other for like, only about 2 years? not as long as me and dajie, not as long as me with any other names that i kept mentioning to you when we talked about friends. but this 2 years, it feels just so long. long enough to make us close, long enough to make us care, and long enough to make us remember, that we are always the closest one to share problems with in university.

well, unlike other besties i have. you don't come to talk to me on your own when problem arise. you used to keep to yourself, or maybe to your other friends from your hometown. haha. always your style, you only tell us 'stories' only after everything is over. hmmph. just want to let you know, i am always there to listen whenever you want. i know i am always busy, and i will still be busy next semester, but we meet up almost everyday wert. and you know we don't listen in lecture, so you can as well utilise the time. haha. but of course, i hope better you don't have the need to find time to talk over unhappy things, because that will means you don't have any unhappy things to talk to :)

i think among all the friends that i know, you are the kindest among all already. you always think about others first before yourself. and that kindness, sometimes make me want to salute you. but sometimes make me beh tahan also. remember, love yourself before you love others. and take care of your own will before you start doing things that others want you to do. alright?

i heard about your love stories from when i know you, not always of course, but once in a while will do. i am glad, really happy for you, my best friend in university, that you and him are able to go through the ups and downs, and keep maintaining this long distance relationship until today. from when he couldn't really understand your situation and you guys were fighting over the same reason over and over again until you nearly give up the relationship, until now that he at least tried to think from your stand, and you knowing how to defend your own will, and both of you willing to tolerate with each other. i am really happy and sincerely i hope to see you find happiness in being with him. never met him in person before, but i do hope to meet him. this important fella for my important friend.

eee...er...erm.... don't know what to say already. i just hope we will always be the closest girls to stick up together for countless days in the future, although you already moved out to stay with your buddhist society friends, although i will also be moving out to another corner of PJ and we will be further apart! sobs. you are in PJ side and i am on bangsar side. why not stay over our place alternately? one night your place, one night at my place. then can pillow talk every night. haha...

just, i am so glad to have a friend like you and bear in mind, no matter how big difference of us from the many different aspects, you will always, i meant ALWAYS, be a friend who i treasure so much. a friend that i could not bear to lose, in any way...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY once again, my dear.

this is where our friendship starts. although we changed from group of four to group of just these three. i say, this is more than enough. :)

remember the stressful time we spent in our lovely study room? oh i meant, crazy time. craving for papers. more and more papers on the table which is obviously not belong to us, but we decided to make it belongs to us for the whole study and exam week. haha.

craziness shifted from study room until the staircase out there in lobby. but still, never get away from papers. that was our memories, and we still have 3 times of exam to create another get-together-study-week.

i hardly found any naughty photos with you. well, you are always with your good-little-girl image. noisy only when we really close with each other. hehe.

the three of us.

let's 服侍 this bossy 大姐 together. i am afraid i can't manage her alone. haha.

there you go. this is my forever friend. and when i say forever, i meant it. so, friendship forever my dear.

with many lovely birthday wishes,

kaiwei :)

pressure ambushing.

again,

i am experiencing the pressure of

"no money no talk"!!!

save me~

marketing is fun, but it sucks too, when i don't get the money and the fire is burning close....

shyt.

kaiwei >.<

happy papa day

this time, photos come first :D

the loving couple, my papa and mummy.

small auntie and youngest cousin, tong tong. the eldest and the youngest granddaughter are both the love-est grandchild for our love-est grandpa. hehe

small uncle, and their 2 lovely but naughty boys. hehe

haha. no others but two of my most doulei brothers. one pilot outside, doulei in-house. another prefect outside, also doulei in-house. blek :P

owh last but not least, the greatest grandparents of the prettiest lady in lee's family. haha. they are sometimes stubborn, but they melt in front of me. so, anything you find it hard to convince them, come to me. haha. love them till the max!! muakks...

happy father's day.

simple yet meaningful lunch with grandparents and uncle's family.

glad that i can not only wish papa happy father's day but also grandpa happy grandfather's day. hehe.

don't know whether my dad visit this blog like my mummy does. pa, if you do read this, i don't know how to tell you how much i love you and how grateful am i to have you in this family, but you know i do love you don't you? for all the contributions you did for us, for all the sacrifice you did for this family, for all the unconditional loves you gave to your pretty little daughter, i can feel it and i can see it, but i just couldn't tell it. haha. well of course, we have those typical type of father and daughter relationship and way of communication wert. all words are kept safe deep inside our heart like the whole world will collapse once we blurt them out face to face. not a good practise, i know.

with the best dad award trophy that i specially made for you, i know it looks really normal la, but that simple three words mean everything to us. the three monkeys that have been taken care safe and comfortable under your thick warm wings of an angel. yes, you are always an angel for us. ever since you and mum brought us to this family, you never leave us in dark corner and you have given us all, or i should say, more than all that we need. we are not as rich as those dato datuk datin nenek or whoever they are out there, but i know we are always the lucky one to be in this family with enough income to spend, to live more comfortably than many others.

the loves, the care, the guidance, the lessons, the time, the commitment... they mean more than words can spell out. forgive me to never have to courage to articulate the magic words 'i love you', forgive me to never have the courage to give you a tight lovely warm hug in this special day. i wonder why, because hugging grandpa and grandma is such a normal thing for me. haha. never mind, the most important thing is you know what i want to say deep inside my heart do you? hehe.

happy father's day to my greatest papa in the world.

we love you, and we will always do. <3

with loooooots of loves,

your lovely daughter, kaiwei :)

love letter to my love, 大姐

dajie!!! haha. i'm sure you have been clicking into my page since 12am again and again to check out if there is any 'relevant' new post meant for you. well, there you go, i am a little bit not punctual like i always do, so i guess you won't be too surprise on this. haha.

cut the craps, i only want to say...

happy birthday!

good night.

haha.

not long enough?

hmm...

let me think...

what content can i put in to come out with a long long long birthday post oh? both of us not so used to this kind of 'meat numb' conversation wert. haha. well, after almost 8 years of knowing each other, almost 5 years of being siblings to each other, we only get closer since few years back. you know la, you were never those easy-to-get-close type until we met again in matriculation.

come to think of you, the feelings are very complicated, hard to explain. close, yet not so close. understand? don't leh? i told you they are complicated. i knew you have been very protective to me ever since matriculation time. although we have about 10 pretty ladies in our clique, but both of us are always the closest aren't we? those time, throughout the 10 months period of my matric life, first 1-2 months were great and new and exciting, later then, they sucks and you know why. i always put these words over my mouth, saying that the time in KMNS was the darkest moment in my life over this 21 years since i met the world. but i am still glad i had you, and i had all of you during that 10 months. remember the letter that you wrote to me when i went to bath that day? advised me in a scolding way. but still made me touch don't worry, so it works. i knew who cared about me the most and who was the one who SAID he cared but he neevr really does. i knew i was being stupid for trying to make others feel better and keep myself in the last of my list of person to be taken care of. i knew i am going to regret it like how i do now but i was still being stubborn to not listen to you. aiyo... long old nasty story, better don't talk too much about it in this very happy big day hor? just want to let you know i still keep that letter with me, safely between the pages of my diary. i used to read it over again time to time, but forgive me that i tried not to read it too often, because i don't really want to remind myself of those long old nasty story that used to screw my life before. haha.

i always feel very very very lucky that i still have you here in my university life. i don't have to go through the lonely trying-to-adapt-myself period when first step into university life because i knew i can always go to you when i am alone. and then of course, we still have our own good friends to get along with (you have more of them, for sure, because i basically only have little run that time. haha) i used to worry that we will soon be too far from each other when you start to get better along with your group of friends. i won't call it jealous (because your 小妹 don't jealous! haha) but the feeling do exist. when you get too close with them that you couldn't take care of me like you used to anymore. when you get too close with them that you have to choose between me and them to hang out with after exam. when you get too close with them that i have to be understanding and thoughtful enough to not force you to be with me anywhere anytime like a pair of sticky sisters+besties. well well... just one thing, we never keep hard feelings do we? that's why i always say you are my best 大姐，and my 大姐 is always the best. haha.

my dear 大姐, you watched me grow from a green fresh cute little form 1 girl to a blue mature 3rd year undergrad's lady. you used to say i am your role model, that you always hope to be like me one day, if i didnt remember wrongly? well, actually, what so nice about being like me huh? except i am sometimes a LITTLE BIT noob and always VERY noisy... the fact is, deep inside my heart i know there are still a lot for me to improve and learn from you. the way you always do your best in everything that you are doing, whether you like them or not. the way you always go all out and strive for perfect in everything you do. the way you want to learn and make yourself a better person in things that you are not good in, try to speak and try to speak in English as much chances as you can. the way you challenge yourself just to prove to everyone else on your ability, and at last you did achieved whatever you wanted to achieve. a great salute to you!

for one whole semester, i have been thinking a lot about us. about us being not so close as days passed. was it really the thing that is really happening? since when we begin to talk less to each other, share less secrets to each other, be really polite to each other, discuss only about academic and works to each other... i guess you felt the same thing too, but we were just too immersed in our own busy schedules and more important responsibilities on hand to really try to eke out time to talk over it. well, i hope, and i really hope, that everything will go back to normal like before soon, possible? we will fight with each other without mercy, we will take care of each other but in an unsound way, we will share secrets and gossips and problems with each other again. shall we?

i know you sure miss me very much in this few months time. don't worry, another few months to go and we can meet everyday again, so be patient! haha. please give a little face and say you miss me, at least a bit la, please~ haha. anyway, last words in this long naggy post that i also don't know what i am crapping about. come on, it is already 1am midnight and i normally go to bed before 12am now that it's my boring holiday. happy birthday, and 小妹 wish you a very good luck in everything you do. may you achieve your life goal after you graduated, may you meet your life partner before you graduated, may you finally realised how lovely your 小妹 is before you sleep after reading this post!

happy birthday. 生日快乐. selamat hari jadi.

with loooooots of love,

小妹

you, who are always trying to be low profile, but failed, of course.

you, who never like to eat vege...

you, who always pretend to be serious, but the fact is sampat-meter will hit the maximum point when tested on you.

you, who always stay with me no matter how stupid act i'm doing, or how my stupid act makes you look even more stupid.

you, who i am always proud to have, who coloured my life even better, who made my family tree even more complete to have not just two brothers, but another sister to be with always!

thanks for spending your precious auditor time to finish reading this post.

urm.. i meant...

if you did finish reading it.

good night.

i am okay.

after several emo posts, time to have a switch of mood.

i am hereby announcing...

i am okay. we are okay. already.

haha.

focusing on famine famine famine now.

kaiwei :)

time cures

yes, i agree

but definitely not very effectively

deep inside my heart i am hoping for something from you

at least something

and not just silent

because when you are silent

i supposed you are assuming me to clean the rubbish in my heart on my own

but i thought those rubbish were created by both of us?

do we both have the responsibility?

or i will have to settle them on my own, this time, next time, and every other times?

yes, those rubbish.

kaiwei

i promised because of your promise

so

i will keep my promise as long as the promise made to me is kept as well

and so

please always remember what you promised

whether you meant it or not

this works two ways

not just on myself

kaiwei

i hope i am making a right promise

solemnly i promised.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.

count to 10, take a deep breath, think, and think...

this is what i will do the next time i feel upset.

it's not right to show my temper.

as i am supposed to be thoughtful enough to control these hidden bad temper.

they are hidden somewhere no matter how hard i wanted to deny, yes.

if so, let them be hidden always, then.

sorry, for the those who intentionally or unintentionally hurt by my words.

i shouldn't have blurted them out without second thought, or should i?

good like usual, are we?

hopefully, we can get over this.

'just, forget it.'

kaiwei

i can't hold back my tears

because this feeling sucks.

knowing that i should NOT put a blame on anyone else but myself

knowing that this is nobody's fault as nobody mean to see this deep shyt situation either

knowing that i should ALWAYS be understanding enough to everyone like i usually do

knowing that i should really act like what i say, 'just, forget it'

but still

i am putting the blame on SOMEBODY,

i am NOT being very understanding AT ALL,

and i couldn't do like what i said, 'just, forget it...

and so

this feeling sucks.

kaiwei

自己从来就不是鲸鱼

凭什么

要求你成为那伟大的大海？

真的是自己要求过高了吗？

可是

那渐渐流失的安全感

真的是我一个人的责任？

纯粹是因为我活着太得空找东西让自己烦恼吗？

如果真的是

那我想

我不适合在这位置上徘徊

心突然觉得冷得可怕

没用的自己

微

怎么了

不知所措

就是这样解的吗？

生气

是因为我真的委屈了

还是我自己针对性地在无理取闹？

沉默

不是因为我真的能够让时间冲淡那情绪

只是因为我知道若我沉不住气

随之而来的会是一滩眼泪

和一堆无法愈合的伤口

可是我清楚知道

这样的逃避

只会让雪球越滚越大

所以

我到底应该怎样面对

这突然袭击而来的风波？

微

是我变了吗？

有这样的情绪的自己

我不认识

今天认识了

发现我不喜欢这个自己

happy birthday :D

babi lim,

wanted to come out with a long long post for you, but then...no new ideas, so you refer back last year's post okay? haha :D

just today, we skyped for about 15minutes. was it because we were both doing our own things on hand, or was it because we haven't been talking for such a long time already? i had the feeling that the conversation stopped because we were not talking, not because we are doing our own stuff. sorry for not taking the initiatives to start up a conversation, i was in my dining hall and so it was quite awkward to go deeper into any private conversation. after all, i still prefer face-to-face bedtime talking with you la. faster come back and come my house pillow talk. lolz...

in short. happy birthday!

and ohya, see you very soooooooooooon.

kaiwei :)

电话里

听到你的期待

听到你的失望

听到你的无奈

那句“哦，酱不用紧啦”

听得我好心疼

好内疚

好不知所措

责怪自己

为什么

让你们期待了

又再次让你们失望

无奈

我也不想这样

只是有时候

身不由己

答应你，答应你们

明天以后

会好好补偿

微 :)

今晚的会议

希望

让我觉得我不回去。值得

good night world

my fault.

to try to reach everyone at the wrong timing.

good night, is, perhaps, the right-est words to say to the whole world right now.

so, good night world.

kaiwei :(

owh...

there are still so much more for me to learn.

pray hard i don't screw things up this time.

i know you put a high faith on me to call me in.

i know you put a good trust on me to convince all others to trust me as well.

just hope, i won't disappoint you at last.

just hope, everything will turn out to be good and steady at last.

just hope, we can still hold up as good friends and good mates at last.

gosh i feel soooooooo alone right now.

haven't been feeling so helpless standing here as a leader but not doing what i am supposed to be doing.

i need somebody, anybody, reliable. i mean, RELIABLE.

sorry to blurt this out, but still, this is so bulllllshit.

i am sorry to not being able to help when you think i can. at the same time i hope i don't need to say i am sorry at the end of the day for the same reason.

come on leekaiwei! life still goes on when everyone turns their back on you busy doing their own things. life still goes on although sometimes it sucks...

kaiwei :(

things are messy.

minds are messy.

commitment are messy.

preparation messy.

planning and organizing messy.

bloody hell.

i didnt expect all these to be in such a mess.

like... come on, you are also a leader and you should know what is your responsibility.

was that my fault?

was it because of my lack of supervise?

or was it because of my bloody useless leadership skills?

or rather, was it because my heart is not commit at all in this?

guess i'm certainly so not ready on this type of long-distance leadership matters yet...

save me, anyone?

support me, anyone?

back me up, anyone?

screw.

kaiwei :(

youth nation summit 2011

Youth Nation Summit 2011

look forward for infinite brand new experiences and endless knowledge to be learnt!

kaiwei :)

limjuwee and wongleeyen, didn's expect this to be our first 'gathering' after you guys done your paper. haha. awaiting awaiting...

limchunkai, if you are reading this, probably the next morning, i want my budget! thanks.

怎么觉得

这几天

过得

太平淡了？

呵呵

微 :p

sometimes, i do miss lemonie.

yeah, once in a while, her cute little face still cross my mind.

and i tried not to say it out in front of others, afraid that mum and dad and bro will feel the sudden sorrow like i did if i said it aloud.

yes, although pepsi and her look really alike, i still do miss her...

wonder, does she miss us too?

kaiwei :)

不完美的开始

一句话

一句不经意的话

真的只是不经意的一句话

惹来不必要的误解

这是

飞来横祸

的意思吗？

我只是希望

能好好的跟大家认识 沟通 合作

可是怎么还是做不好？

原来

平时觉得我是个很会交际的人

你们错了

我

对着门儿

一窍不通

这样一个不完美的开始

对我这完美主义者来说

是种挫败

微

希望有人安慰

但我明白

我不容易被安慰

还是

算了吧

得发挥我的自行复原能力

晚安

怎么

感觉

似乎跟想象中的

不一样

分心了吗？

微

here comes my real holiday plans being executed.

one whole day of meeting and workshop on famine 30 in new era college.

one whole night of facebook e-meeting about masc.

gosh.

i'm used to holiday mode right after it has been switched and how come i was never used to exam mode no matter how long i'd forced turned it on?

i'm gonna make this holiday a meaningful one by making this two events on hand a successful two~

famine 30, hunger for health... go go go! anyone interested? text me! :)

<爱．无界〉饥饿３０营

and a more stressful and heavy burdened one - masc 2012...

wish me luck.

kaiwei :)

一首歌

一份礼物

一句永远

谢谢你

一起重温

那纯纯的幸福

微 :)

indeed, a date to remember <3

bored holiday

holiday without planning is real bored.

owh.... i thought i had a long list of interesting plans to flourish up my 4 months holiday to prevent myself from being rotten?

ops... i am forgetful. i better sort them out before i mess up the whole of 4 months precious moment...

there it goes:

1. famine 30 famine 30 famine 30. it's gonna haunt me until 31st july. and because of this thing i've given up the vacation training at pwc ey corwe horwath or wherever it is. but don't worry, not complaining. because i know the deal is worth for me to go for.

2. zither zither zither. neglected my babe zither for almost half a year. ever since the tiny little performance in um previously. i has been giving lots of excuses to keep myself from calling up my teacher to home. and now it's time to put myself back on track. after all, this is an interest that i insist to cling on it. so i definitely will work this out... Ms Loo, wait for my call, very soon :)

3. i mentioned to somebody one of my holiday plan is to take up some short courses for self enhancing and for filling up my time. and out of no where somebody suggested me to go for a foreign language course. and out of no where again somebody suggested japanese. and yes, i'm considering seriously about this. was that somebody my dad? i don't remember, but i guess so.

4. speed reading course. i know too little about this thing and i wanted to know more about this thing. tried googled for more information about it but failed to locate any courses available near cheras, or even in malaysia. duh.. i'm never good in google-ing as i never got what i intend to get. limhehui, if you are reading this and read this, do let me know will you? thanks! and ohya, come back faster as i can't wait to meeeeeeeet you sooooooon!

5. sleep early, wake up early. haha. guess this has been my must-do holiday plan in every holiday since i started uni. well. up until now, after 1 and a half WEEK of holiday, i am doing good. god bless me for the entire 4 months later.

6. catch up all the long lost friendship. well i didn't mean it you see. to not keep in touch with you guys for so long. i don't always have such long holiday like this, and i am hoping that i can make up for the great moment that i've lost all these while. 8poh hehui hk juwee yeejin leeyen liwei shunbin are on the top of my list. owh limxiaoyan, you are suppose to be on the list as well but why on earth do you stay on manchester but not in back here in malaysia? lolz. better show up yourself on december k... of course, i still have kit jun and other sbs-ians, shuping junyang and other xueji loves, xiaoxue xiaojie xiaoyun mama and other KMNS pretty girls family. one more thing, i 'secretly' wish i could have a meet up some time with my old primary school besties as well, especially tracy who we used to call each other dear... possible? hmmph.. or have i been forgotten, i wonder...

7. trips... saying about catching up with all my missing friends (oh i know i am always the missing one) i was thinking some trips will do good. to somewhere with xueji someday in june. to somewhere with juwee and the rest someday in..god-knows-when-will-it-be. to kuantan with KMNS girls someday in august. and etc. hopefully.

8. stayover at grandparents place for a few weeks, as long as i can. hearing the same question from grandpa asking me when will i be staying over with them makes me feel guilty, and heartache. i miss them and i definitely wants to stayover with them as long and as soon as i can. but at the moment i still have meetings and workshops of famine 30 to attend from time to time and soon i will start my weekly zither classes and short courses, if any, soon. gosh i am such a bad granddaughter. i will go back next week, hopefully, before everything starts :D

9. take care of my house new pet, pepsi. yes, i've got the a new puppy and it's called smelly pepsi. didn't expect mum to want to have a new puppy so soon after what happened on lemonie like a month ago. hmmph, but she's here already, so i guess i just have to get over it. not easy though, as i still will accidentally blurt out 'lemonie, come', 'lemonie, sit' when i am talking to pepsi. i need more time, i suppose.

10. bath my little red. bath mum's little city. haha. i bet it will gonna be just once, and i dunno when that 'once in a holiday' mood will come ambush me suddenly. let's wait and see. haha

11. read novels. stacks of novels that i've bought in bookfair previously are still sleeping quietly on the book shelf. i'm kicking a start on one, but the temptation of series in laptop is much stronger. XD

12. duh i am lazy to type already. whatever it is... to enjoy my holiday up to the max!

but horrrr... the problem is horrrr... i am not doing all the mentioned items and i'm starting to get rotten at home. catalyst, anyone?

kaiwei :)

holiday mode switched on! :D

woooowwww....

so good,

to finally be home...

3 days at penang.

1 day at ipoh.

another 4 days at johor.

ops, missed out my lovely pedas.

i owe grandpa and grandma at least a week stayover,

and i promise to make it more than a week.

now,

yes, i'm finally home...

owh i only slept on my new mattress ONCE after dad bought it like...a month ago.

haha.

in short,

home sweet home

kaiwei :)

some photos from penang and ipoh trip... just part of it, too many to put on all... hehe

kek lok si.. burning sun on our top...

oh yes, i'm touching the piggy's butt... opss..

the tall tall tall kek lok si which i didnt manage to climb up. ops, we didnt attempt to climb up did we? :P

the very very very very kind uncle from balik pulau, penang.

owh... poor tongxue. phobia of this will you? >.<

group photo of 4 of us, can you see us? or just the green christmas monster? :D

very handsome group photo in front of the toy museum. nice one :)

haha sherk's super big tummy...

i was yawning and they were sleeping. best sleeping pose goes to.....the sleeping buddha of course! *wink*

a more complete group photo. dajie, the empty place belongs to you. come, put your foot inside see can fit or not. and only cinderella fits :P

ipoh~

1st stop, 老王芽菜鸡... just a mention, we dropped by 老王土产店 and met a very kind and cute uncle, recommended us a lot of nice places to drop by the next day in ipoh town, and even told us the story of ipoh oldtown white coffee. touchy~

the famous amos tau fu fa...

the very kind and cute auntie at kuala kangsar :)

who said we were taking 床照 again? haha...

end of it. the rest of the stories.... listen from me in person if you wish to. good night world.

kaiwei :)