勉强

不适合

就是不适合

再怎样喜欢

再怎样爱不释手
在怎样说服自己

还是不适合的

Anything

finally, non-stop of studying has came to a temporary halt. i'm in the last half day of my semester break. although we still have to face the MUET examinations DURING our holiday after finished final exam, it was like a gift for us to have this holiday. real holiday, without the needs to bring back any tutorials. (i still have my MUET practise book in my bag, in the same position as when i brought it back last friday, though)

get to have a great dinner with hh, ju, yan and jian on tuesday night. went to look out point. nice kl view, nice weather, nive environment. well, perhaps, your companion MIGHT put things to perfect. hehe. went for kfc-lunch with 8poh the next day. didn't get to chat much, as we don't have enough time because she was rushing to her college to prepare some stuff. 8poh, having your last paper next week huh? gambate lu... then, that's all. dad went out-station few days already. haven't really get the chance to see him during this holiday lo. sobs.. another tick of clock, my holiday is over. the next completely relax holiday like this will only be seen next year april, which is when i completed the whole course in matrix. look forward for that! hehe.

we were planning a short 'old friends' vacation somewhere. planned for genting initially, but after what hh said on tuesday night, everyone started to look forward for the plan to get on at fraser hill. well, for me. anywhere can be. as long as we're together ^^ ohya, not to forget, attendance is compulsory, for: 8poh, baobei, yan, ju. don't wish to miss out any pi members this time. wanted to put babi hh in the list, but you're about to face your exam that time hor? fine lo, you're excused from the compulsory list, but still, hope you come along. hk... come along if you can la. don't just play with your tools in college. haha. pheww...getting excited whenever i come to think about the trip. hope...and sincerely hope, it will ON succesfully.

well, up to here. have to get ready to leave already. ROOM sweet ROOM, i'm going back soon. lol. >.< see ya!

-kaiwei-

never, forget to smile.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to love, and be loved. though it does not end up like how it usually ends in all fairy tales, still, smile appears on my face when this come across my mind.

don't cry because it came to an end, smile because it happened.

-wei-

New faces

Few of my classmates. Beware, they can be more sampat than we can imagine. Lol.

This was taken during calligraphy writing competition. The only gent in this photo, is our sifu. His writing really gave us a big "WOW"...

Well well... From certain angle, this fella, really does looks like Malaysia's badminton player Lee Chong Wei.

Seven 'slightly retarded' boisterous sisters from block C3. Plus few from other block C members.

Illegal gathering to celebrate belated mooncake festival.

Played fire in the middle of the night beside our hostel. Shhh.... We're dead meat if our dear warden come out and peep on us.

Time passed in the speed of bullet train, or even faster. Only a glimpse of eye, i had completed one half of my course. 2 hours more i'll be departing back to my college, and semester 2 will start in another 3 days time. wow..... just realized i never post any of my new schoolmates' faces up here. hehe.

within 5 months time since i became part of them, many many many things happened. i always imagine, what would happen if these new cliques come collide with my old cliques, and started to talk about kaiwei. will there be big differences between the kaiwei in matrix and the kaiwei before matrix? i believe, yes. wondering, which kaiwei is better? lol.

Busy vs Lazy

tonnes and tonnes of homeworks and revisions. i have one week time to complete them. but see what have i done! went for 4 days vacation with family, and to at least let myself feel better, i did a LITTLE of maths exercises on 1st two nights before a went to bed. yeah, i swear it's only a LITTLE, as i haven't even done one chapter on the math tutorial until now. reached home this evening. i am suppose to start my hard works tonight, but end up? where am i now? blogging! haha. akhem, i put my 1st effort in doing tutorials by taking out all things needed from my room to the table outside. but.... only took them out, put them on table, full stop. my fingers are dancing on the keyboard now. proud~

sien sien sien sien sien... the dreadful semester final exam is approaching, just 3 weeks after the end of this holiday. i'm telling everyone, and especially myself, that, results on this exam is about life and death. i repeat, LIFE and DEATH! lol. *quietly replying in my heart: "roger that"*

lee kai wei! i'm warning you, stop loitering around! stop making your mind busy with nonsense stuff! stop putting yourself in the state of 'nearly-insane' by taking up what-so-ever burden and stressful pressure! stop using this and that as excuse and excuses for your sloth! study study study...ohya, don't forget... be happy as well. hehe. gambate~

good night!

-kaiwei-

^.^

Love may take long, but it will always bring us to where we belong.
Our heart will know, when it's finally home...

just let it be

in this age of 17 or 18, on what range do u rate 'relationship'? i realized, the ranking is differs for everyone. some take it as a game. some take it as gaining experiences. some take it as an essence in their life. some simply take it as a 'whatever'. well, i'm just wondering, what kind of relationship do we consider a mature one?

when we say about couple, it means two different HUMAN involve. when we say about two different human, it means we have two different perspectives in viewing things in life. is it true that only couple with similar thoughts can last long and happily ever after? what about two person with different desire in things, fell for each other, tolerate themselves to build a strong love bond between them? hmmm.. unexpected incidents can happen on any kind of relationships. a pair of love birds that everyone look up for a happy ending, can end up being friends. or, a pair of love birds that everyone think they would never work out, can end up prove to everyone that they are the Mr and Ms Right for each other. again, i'm just wondering. hehe

a simple sentence worth to share with my friends and myself,
don't struggle so much, best things happen when not expected.
just let it be how it was supposed to be... ^.^

-kai wei-

Right or Wrong?

perhaps i'm still not mature enough in handling problems, perhaps i'm lousy in letting people that i care to realise that i do care for them, perhaps i'm not determine enough in achieving what i'm hoping, perhaps i'm just too lazy to take problem as problem, thus i can blame no one for putting me this what-so-ever sucky situation. ummm.. but anyway, whether is this a sucky situation, it's yet to be comfirm.

Quoted from baobei's blog:

In few recent incidents,

i was stuck in between,

and i didn't know what was the right thing to do.

I was stuck in between

i try to judge analytically.

But there is always never someone completely right or wrong.

Because at the end it all still lies on how you think of something.

the last 2 sentences made a stun in my mind. nearly perfectly fit in my situation. haha. baobei, i simply just love this 'coincidentally'..

-Kai Wei-

Apart

Came back from college this evening, enjoying my 1st day of one week Raya holiday. actually i had loads of tutorials to settle, and tonnes of revisions to cope up with within this week. (and i'm 200% sure that i will NOT complete them within this week) yet, like USUAL(excuse and excuses), not in the mood of working in this very 1st day of holiday. randomly went up to visit few friends' blog just now. knowing that few of these friends who i used to hear from them quite oftenly are doing not so well in their life, i suddenly feel i'm really far from them. far, as in...umm...well, far. lol. as everyone of us are leading our different life in different institutions/places with different group of people around, things are getting different. seriously i long for moment being with you guys. sorry for not being the one who make the 1st move to contact you guys all these days, i'm busy, i'm lazy, i'm credit-less, and i'm under stress over exams and stuff. though, this still couldn't deny the fact that, I MISS YOU, FRIENDS. XD

if i am to throw everyone that i miss one question, i think 3 simple words will do.
"How are you?"

Homesick...

In this so-called new but yet not that new environment, being under the spotlight among all teachers and students, makes me feel awfully frustrating and irritating! Never had I have this feeling of revulsion towards certain place before. The pressure in academics is still something I can bear with it since I'm having the power to control how much pressure I want to have. However, I have to accept the fact that there are many things beyond my control yet at the same I cannot just totally ignore it. Agrhh... Anyway, despite this and that, I know that I'm lucky and very lucky and super lucky by having what I'm having now. So, smile~

Home, always the best place to stay ^^

好一个080808!

08 08 08 也是农历初八
吉祥如意啊！

那一晚，
全世界都在观赏北京奥运那撼动人心的开幕仪式...
那一晚，
我也悄悄地，观赏了一场平平静静的闭幕仪式...

没什么，就觉得...
好一个080808!

Hope

Mankind get the will to continue living with the existence of HOPE...
Without hope, our life will be dull and meaningless...
Whenever we put an effort in anything,
there must be a target congesting our mind,
in which it gives us sufficient energy and enthusiastic to keep our path going...

Hence,
no matter what happened,
We must not let the fire in our heart extinguished;
no matter what happened,
please do not let the fire in your heart extinguish;
no matter what happened,
stay firm and stay tough to keep the fire in your heart burning...

Good luck, my pals... ^.^

句号。省略号......

句号，
是一段句子的结束？
还是另一段句子的开始？

要停笔交卷，
除了句号，
其实也能用省略号，
代表还有很多很多的下一句...

握你的手

握你的手

山顶的风凉得想钻进我内心
沉默是我们最近唯一的话题
看曾经亲密的爱慢慢像友谊
爱是流星 一坠落就不停

我们尝试让彼此差异能隐形
遗憾的是回避不能解决问题
当我疲倦的凝望你憔悴表情
再不舍得 也该让你远离

握你的手 坚持到最后一秒钟
哪怕爱要冰凉了 至少让回忆是暖的
了解比爱难多了 我们都尽力了
也许温柔 是停止再挽留

握你的手 像耳语轻声说保重
让眼睛就算湿了 不只是痛也有感动
以前每一次挥手 都为了再握手
但这一次 是为了放手

这首歌，听了无数次。
只是今天，觉得特别有意思...
听着听着，眼泪竟然流了下来...

原来，人的心可以是那么的脆弱...

To satisfy 8poh, baobei, and pi root...

Nah! This is an update of my blog, after 2 months 27 days being the resident of KMNS, (Kolej Matrikulasi Negeri Sembilan) to ensure everyone that Lee Kai Wei is still ALIVE. I'm only saying I'm currently alive, didn't guarantee I'm living well. XD

There's one question that I'm afraid to meet with recently.
"How are you?"
How am I suppose to answer? A lot of things happened happens happening and going to happen since I enter this place. Actually, I should be enjoying myself in KMNS despite the extremely busy life. But things don't always go in the way we expect. Perhaps, people need suprises to make our life more interesting. Right? Haha. Anyway, need not worry to those who started to wonder what happened to me... No matter how, I'll still keep myself alive ^.^

That's all for this post la, babi hehui beside me kacau-ing. See ya!

-Kai Wei-

顺其自然

坚持后得到，不一定快乐。
挽留后维持，不一定完美。
争取后继续，不一定幸福。

也许，
顺其自然，才是最真最完美的幸福。

steamboat. shopping. brother.

on wednesday night, the boat was successfully steam-ed by 9 of us. kaiwei, carrie, jin, yan, ju, hk, hehui, calvin and jufoon. jin, yan and hehui stayed over at my house that night. although busying up and down and staying up whole night worn off all my strength, i had really great time. too bad not everyone can stay over with us la. ohya, finally, i get an update on jin, yan and hehui's current life and stories. haha. hmm... one more week i'll be at negeri sembilan studying. like hehui said, it will be almost impossible to meet up with anyone at kl along the time i'm there. i'll definitely miss all of them deadly. you guys must miss me also ok? hehe.

on labour day, i went shopping with my families. our main target was my clothes for study. went jusco. wow, i realized a good exercise. take off the shirt, put on another shirt. take off put on take off put on....(of course in closed room la!) fortunately, i get to settle all my needs in one place. bought 5 blouses, 2 slack, 1 skirt, 2 baju kurung, 1 pair of black shoe, and some dry foods to bring over. quite excited when i was packing all my stuff at home. grouped them in 4 places, 1 big luggage bag, 1 smaller one, 1 school bag, and 1 barrel. wow... 1st time leaving home for such a long period. hope i can adapt with the new environment quickly. well, at least i'm luckier than many others people. i can still come back home, either to grandparents' house at n9 or back to kl every week. hehe.

we just sent gorgor to airport this afternoon. it seems like someone had doubled the speed of the clock, his one and a half week of holiday ended just like this. however, i believe there's one thing that keep him enthusiastic to get back to APFT, he'll start his flying lessons after this holiday. i saw the plane that he'll be using for his lessons. not a big one. but i can imagine his excitement when he's holding the controller and driving the plane up in the sky which he always longing for. hmmph.... good for him. gor, gambate! ^^

-kaiwei-

Recently

No more TARC

.

akhem. TARC didn't blow out la, it's just that i'm not going to study there already. plan changed! so where am i going? hmmph... not very far, but farther (is there such word in english dictionary? i remember babi hehui told me it exist) than TARC lo. just last 2 weeks, i got a place in kolej matrikulasi, negeri sembilan. after one day one night of struggling, went to ask advices from PN NG and PN Nafisah, bring in many aspects, finally a new borned baby decision came to the world! :p in less than 24 hours time, my mind which was originally fully prepared to TARC's environment, courses, hostel, apparel, club and societies, future path..... , had to, due to this swift decision, starts a new mentally preparation to matiks. environment, courses, hostel, apparel, co-co activities, future path.... on the night i made my decision, i was quite happy initially, at least i had a decision. but then, SOMEHOW (dont know why and what) i felt a great feeling of sorrow congested beneath my heart. the next thing i knew was my eyes failed to hold back the already-coming-out tears and they started to wet my eyes and cheeks and pillow and bed, profusely. lol thanks to 8poh and hk and brother's gf who had been chatting with me whole night :)

.

------------------------------------------

.

Malacca? Genting? KL? Home?

.

few months ago i mentioned i was longing deadly for a vacation. after days and hours and minutes and seconds of waiting, fortunately, this HOPE finally evolved to actual plan few weeks ago. ju said she wants to plan a trip with us before we start school. so, our 1st plan was malacca. i thought of a'famosa, or simply walking around at town or beachside. i have a close friend there, and he can be our tour guide. but then, things changed. actually the destination 'malacca' crossed over my mind partly because last year 8poh very excitedly forcing me to plan a trip to malacca with her (too bad her forcing effort doesn't works, we ended up at pangkor, haha) inevitably, she deserves the name 8poh. how can she says cannot join us huh! haha. fine fine.. the plan still going on, with yan, jin, ju, hk and me. (even without carrie! blek, haha :p 8poh, we do hope hope hope and hope u will suddenly tell me '8poh! i can join u guys ad!') then ju told me she not yet get permission from her parents. and what sad-er was when ju says her parents didn't giv her a 'yes'. ok lo, malacca quite far and inconvenient, perhaps genting will be better. lol. sampat jin pop up and says she don't feel like going genting worrrrrr. i passed the whole decision to ju lo. (since she's the most ma fan-est pig among us, haha) haihz, think we really doesn't fate to make out this trip. genting all hotels and resorts' room (of course affordable type la) were fully booked, according to internet. tmr ju will call 1st world and ask if we still can have ONE room. *eyes closed, praying hard* ohya, another thing, hk mostly not going because he will be the only guy among us if the trip is on. haha. babi betul....

.

------------------------------------------

.

one week at hometown

.

last week i went back to my hometown at Pedas, Negeri Sembilan. (Wondering whether the founder of this PEDAS likes spicy foods?) i was babysitted by my grandma and grandpa when i was still a baby. i has been repeatedly told about baby kaiwei's stories, about how i only willing to sleep when get to listen to her voice through phone when i was at another grandma's house at johor, how i always refuse to sleep even after half an hour she swing me up and down, how i liked to kepo on everything other people doing no matter how hard they chase me away, how i gently massage on grandma and grandpa's chest when they cough, and how she watched me 'taken away' by my mum after one year staying with her, without having the right to say no because i'm mum's daughter wert. i am the eldest granddaughter in dad's side big family. grandpa and grandma sayang me the most among all others (mainly because i am a good girl, all the time! haha. *ss-ing*) thought of accompany-ing them for one whole week since i'm very free, and before i'm not going to be very free. during this week, i get to opportunity to really staying with them, and i was quite 'down' when i realised both of them are getting older and older. they say things like 'dont know ah gong still here when didi enter university or not', 'maybe ah ma will not be here when u finish ur studies at university 4 years later', 'if ah gong can see you get a good man who cares about u, loves you, and put family as priority, then i satisfy ad '....... omigosh, i can just smile and reply them 'you guys sure have the 福气 one, you always say i very lucky, i give u guys some luck la, hehe'.... i'm laughing on my face, but undeniable, i felt sad when i come to think about those IF and DUNNO that they mentioned :(

.

ohya, generally i had a great time there, with them, and with the whole mosquitoes kingdom there. grandma says when i was there, they no need to worry about mosquitoes' kiss at all, because those mosquitoes will, somehow, choose to attack me. i played with flies before sleep also. using the electrical racket, i wanted to chase the flies. but....they seems smarted than me, fly in the shape of circle, made me turn 360 degree with them also. haha. it was after the turn that i realised how stupid am i, and laugh at myself :x

.

------------------------------------------

.

Others

.

nothing special. brother came back from APFT for one and a half week holiday. tmr his girlfriend going to give him a suprise by suddenly appears at my house (i going to fetch her from lrt station la, i'm part of the plan!) yesterday papa bought me a new hp(W580i), suprisingly. gor gor shoot a very envious glance to me when my mum told us about papa's thought. and from saturday until today he's still shooting envious words to me, mainly because he initially wanted to buy that model also. tmr going gai gai at sunway pyramid. wednesday going to have steamboat gathering with pi members. 1st time ever, we can have a full quorum photo! yan and jin going to stay over that night. thurday going shopping with mum and dad to get all my stuff to MOVE house to hostel at matrix.

.

that's all la. i spent few hours to complete this blog. haha. nitezzzzzz....

.

-kaiwei-

看到人类很高兴（镜子内的除外）

我没做工时都是一个人在家
最常做的坏事是播歌播到超大声
可能咏盈家都听到（有时良心发现，想到也许有邻居在睡午觉，就转小声一点点）
在自己限定的时间内把所有家务做完
那种成就感每次让我像白痴酱自己赞自己
隔壁家的小孩在练还吹得不好听的笛子
我也不甘示弱
就在练还弹得不好听的古筝咯
我一个人在家很享受的 嘻嘻

可是可是可是可是
愚人节当天寂寞竟然敲上我的门
平时享受一个人的我竟然对静静的环境觉得不自然
最近我家这两条街治安下滑
光天化日超过一间屋子进贼
有一次竟然还是家里有人的时候闯进去的
想自己出去逛逛都不敢啦
结果？哈哈
在家自己愚自己
自己跟自己讲话
播歌自己唱自己爽（这次没发现良心，我觉得邻居那天不会睡午觉，所以我也听不到自己的声音）
超无聊 超笨蛋的
后来咧？
接下来的两天都跑去上班了
终于能看到人类！-.-''
昨天家敏、丽玮和世峰去找我
今天婶婶请我吃午餐
上班还能看到熟悉的人，很高兴

...

有时候
我体谅不代表我接受
我接受不代表我原谅
我原谅不代表我忘记
我忘记不代表我不介意
就算我不介意 也不代表它不重要

希望你偶尔也会看得到我的脆弱

可不可以？

我很少生气
因为觉得生气没用

可不可以
不要让我有一种感觉
觉得不生气也没用

趁还没发生之前
可不可以
陪我一起努力不让它发生

看不见的伤口

不小心被割伤了
伤口轻微得连我自己也没发现

小小的伤口
不碰时不会察觉到他的存在
但不管是刻意或无心
就算轻轻被触及
却也会隐隐作痛
而且伤口竟然会随着这些触碰渐渐加深

有两种方法
能使这伤口愈合
第一种药方便准备又容易使用
但只能外敷 药效有限
第二种药需要用心与时间慢慢调制
却能内服 而且保证有效
“语言”是外敷的药
“行动”是内服的药

不管是外敷或内服
时间和下药人是关键
只要对症下药
伤口瞬间就能痊愈
唯一的条件都一样
就是一定要用真材实料来调制
而下药人的人选
却只有一个

没想到
忽略和冷漠能这么尖锐
没想到
要治疗忽略很冷漠造成的伤口
那么容易的同时 却又那么地难

for our special PI ROOT

yan! happy april fool eve! haha. tick tock tick tock~ time flies without waiting. 5 minutes more you're not birthday girl anymore. erm... really sorry because we didn't prepare anything to make this a special memorable day for you. nowadays, even a complete pi's family outing is hard to make out. jin, carrie and you are schooling. ju is...don't know what she's doing now. as for me, don't know whether should i say i'm working or holiday-ing. haha. but still, all in different areas, different timing, different fields. well, we're just not having the 'suprise-party-mood' without everyone being together. i suggest, next time we gather all of our time-table and organizer, make out one day outing, sekali SUGUS celebrate all special days we have. okok? haha.

.

anyway, i had a great few hours tonight. it feels good to meet up and sampat and scold ppl and crap and do embarrasing things together. ohya, do you realised that everytime when juwee is around, we need to stop her from getting too HIGH? haihz... amat memalukan. since nobody wants to stand or sit or walk beside that lame fella, next time when hang out with her must lock her in the toilet. haha. but still, must ask her along when hang out. well, she's the LEADER for most of our lame and memalukan acts wert. haha. after all, we're same category human beings that's why we can get along so well.

.

today seems to be an ordinary day. no suprise from us. no present from us. no early birthday wish from us. no special birthday plan from us. even tonight's dinner, you're the organizer. (but of course if you didn't date us out we'll know what to do also la, hehe) however, you have us being with you on this ordinary day and this makes our day become extra-ordinary. hehe. happy birthday auntie vivian's daughter. haha.

.

happy birthday yan. this is not an april fool eve joke. =P

.

-pi-

Suprise!

on friday morning. 7am. i was sleeping and dreaming and waiting for alarm clock to wake me up at 8am. i dreamt about my brother talking with my mum outside the room. then i dreamt about him coming into the roon, was standing in front of me, and said HI to me with a grin on his face. his friend-Peng Hong appeared and did the same thing after him. i dreamt about myself having the 'what-the-hell' expression when i saw him, slapped myself to prove that i was dreaming. i dreamt about my brother and his friend laughing and my brother threw a blanket on me. OUCH! then... i dreamt about myself going back to sleep.

on friday morning. 8am. my hp alarm woke me up. i remember something happened an hour ago. i took a glimpse towards the door from my bed. the light outside was on, and i heard sounds of computer keyboard, tip-tap-ing. i rose up and peep out on the road. my mum was preparing to go to office. Peng Hong's red saga was outside! what an OH MY GOD morning. that fella really came back from Kota Bharu. to cool down myself, i decided to close my eyes a few seconds before i wake up to brush my teeth.

on friday morning. 9am. i woke up, again. this time, JUMP up from my bed. i thought i wanted to close my eyes back for few SECONDS? haha. okay, i was late. nevermind. i still dragged some times talking to my gor gor before i go out. hehe.

here are some 花絮 on that morning. Gorgor came back by bus. only peng hong and another friend( further story on her is coming soon) knew about this plan. he reached kl at 4.30am, peng hong went to bus stop to pick him up. knowing that papa normally go to office at 7am, they went to mamak to spend time. 7am, they reached in front of our house. too bad. papa went out earlier that day because need to fetch my little brother to school. nevermind. then, gorgor pressed to doorbell.

ding dong....
ding dong....
ding dong....

mum and i didn't hear anything from upstairs. okay, he decided to call my mum.

KS ( gor gor) : hello. mummy ar? wake up already or not?
mum: yea... anything?
KS : mummy. i miss you orh...
mum: huh?
KS : i miss you la...
mum: o... exam coming is it? (mum thought he was suffering depression due to pressure on exam, because the 'i miss you' came to her toooooooooo sudden and tooooo early)
KS : nola, not yet exam.
mum: o...
KS : mummy ar.... can you open the gate for me ar?
mum: ???!!!

about the 2nd people that knew about gorgor's coming back. she is a friend of his girlfried from UPM. he told her because he 'needs' her. haha. he was planning a suprise birthday celebration for his girlfriend. (her bday on 2nd april) so he need someone to help him to date his gf out so that he can appear behind her with a bday cake and handmade bday card, suprisingly. what a sweet boyfriend. ^^

this time, he only came back for few days la. Peng Hong just came to fetch him to airport about 11.30am just now. his flight is at 3pm. his next holiday will be on 24th april. look forward for that time! hehe... miss you~

-kaiwei-

Bloody Scholarships

right after spm results release day, those who haven't start college (including me) started to immerse themselves in doing research, going edu fair, attending colleges' open day, filling application form, rushing for deadlines, blah blah blah... i went for TARC open day on 9th march, and was quite satisfy with the courses, fees, facilities, and future pathway offered there. and i just submitted the application form today. as far as i know, quite a lot of my friends are eyeing for UTAR or TARC. and a few of my friends and cousins advised me not to go TARC because they said it's not good enough. (especially TARC formal student XD) haha. whatever la, my parents think it is not bad, and so do i.

.

by the time, my parents asked me to apply all the scholarships that i think is suitable. (as if i only need 5 minutes for every application) so i did. khazanah, jpa, bank negara. and currently still trying on hongleong, asean, shell, etc... feel damn frus on all these scholarships. actually i'm only eyeing for any scholarships that can offer me full tuition fees for whole course duration, which means all 2 or 4 years, instead of only 1 year. before this i hope i can get a sholarship which can sponser me to further studies at UK, but now, i felt differently. let's imagine, IF tomorrow i get a call from whatever-organisation telling me that i'm offered a full scholarship to UK, and i have to prepare myself because the departure date is like, 1 or 2 months later. how will i feel? what will i react? yes, it's true that i will feel super excited because it's always my dream to get myself an exposure to oversea, especially UK. but can i really put down all the things here in such a short time so easily? my family, my friends, my home, my interest... a slip of mind on being apart with them makes me feel hard to live. but still, one reason why i am so reluctant to apply for all these scholarships is because the process is really frustrating! 1st, fill in the application forms which i need to include old old information and couln't bare to make a single mistake. 2nd, prepare all the CERTIFIED photostated certificates, even translated copies, sometimes. 3rd, i just found one which i am required to write a short essay on why i deserve this scholarship.

.

damn damn damn. @$$%^^&&. sorry, i just couln't help myself from repeating lots of unknown foul language, but only quietly in my heart la. bloody scholarships! i will definitely force myself to bang my head on the wall if i failed to receive even HALF of what i had applied. XD

.

-kaiwei-

希望未来有你

《一号朋友》

作曲：陈颖见 作词：陈颖见

.

遇见你是最快乐的事

无论什么时候

一见面 就能够

让话题细水长流

我们曾经历欢喜哀愁

一起交换感受

还相信 多年后

会在街上碰头

我想我 真幸福

路上有你陪我一起走

你说寂寞如果停留

你会握紧我的手

我会在 你左右

一起走到世界的尽头

就算时间不停游走

我不会忘记

我的一号朋友

让我再证明眼泪的温柔

没有别的理由

只因感动不眠不休

我会在 你左右

一起走到世界的尽头

就算只在乎曾经拥有

还是忍不住

向上天祈求

天长地久

.

这是一首我很久以前就听过十遍百遍的歌。几天前我突然重听这专辑，还是觉得很有意思。最喜欢这首歌的最后几句，

.

就算只在乎曾经拥有
还是忍不住
向上天祈求
天长地久

.

此时此刻，

我有我珍惜的人，

需要的人，

想念的人，

喜欢的人，

惦记的人。

我希望，我的未来有你，也有你们。

拥抱

开心时，一个喜悦的拥抱能把这份快乐传出去。
伤心时，一个温暖的拥抱能让眼泪流个不停，但伤口会好得快一点。
生气时，一个柔和的拥抱能为心里那团火围起一道安全之墙，不让它烧伤自己。
寂寞时，一个久违的拥抱能毫不费力地把孤单赶走，还确保它不会太快回头。
思念时，一个熟悉的拥抱能把思念的苦涩变成思念的幸福。

而我，偶尔觉得空虚，偶尔觉得心口闷闷，偶尔纯碎想念拥抱的感觉。
我不是会突然失去理智的人，也很少跟家人或朋友拥抱。但庆幸我的朋友在我突然上前紧紧抱着他们时，都不会惊讶的把我推开，也不会拼命追问为什么。
也许他们也知道，拥抱的威力有多神奇。

无声的享受

比起讲电话，我比较喜欢面对面谈天。
可是最近我发现，原来讲电话时不一定要讲话。

拿着听筒，就算我们各自在忙各自的事情，我依然能感觉到电话另一边那呼吸的声音。
拿着听筒，就算只是偶尔讲几句没point的话，我依然享受你的存在。
拿着听筒，就算静静的不出声，我依然觉得你离我好近好近，就像我和我的心的距离。

此时此刻，我觉得这一句最贴切。
好久不见，你好吗？

Better

CARRIEYEEJINXIAOYANJUWEEHOCKKHUENJUNYUENKARKITYUENCHENGJIJIANCHERYLNICHOLASYEEHANGCHUNSIENNEOHCHIAMJIYANGMARCUSSOONCHIATMARRIEERICWIWENXIEMINFONGYEEJENNYCHOONTINGWANTENGJINWYEPENGHONGWEILUNBEECHUINMEIWEIWEEKIATWAIMUNPUISHENJIAMINSOOKMUNHEHUIKIWIGMUNKIANMING丽玮康伦礼文炜扬昭扬玉靖国荣文龙亚萱忆佩文健舜斌明哲敏惠雪琳美君有纯欣蓉淑萍咏盈丽仪桂玲淑铃宇佳俊敏blahblahblahBLAHBLAHblahblahBLah

.

Ahkem...paiseh, i just feel like typing. haha. these are all the names of my friends that crossed my mind when i'm writting this post. in fact, not ALL, because there're still a lot more i didn't type them out. there're ex-SBSians, ex-CONNAUGHTians, 雪隆区学记，外坡学记 and also no-specific-category people. feel free to search your own name from this no-stopping-namelist, if you're really that free la. lol.

.

Yeejin is right. writting a blog really does helps in making me feel better. there's difference between a blog and a personal diary. in a blog you're realeasing your feelings to others while in a personal diary you're releasing back your feelings to yourself. well of course you'll feel happier sharing the happy feelings either with others of with yourself, but what about the unhappy one? sharing is caring. but not with yourself in this case. haha. =p

.

-kaiwei-

Part-time KAKAK.

1,2,3,4,5...90. today is the 90th days since 1st december where i live without kakak (or 'kkk' in short, according to jijian). 90 days mean 12 weeks. 90 days mean 3 months! proud to say that i'm still alive. haha. i guess those who know already knew (what kind of language is this 'those who know already knew'!)the reason why kakak will leave my house. sobs... >.<>.<) haha.

-kaiwei-

I miss you...

i found myself are getting abnormal recently. i mean my mood la. nothing actually happens and make me unhappy, but somehow i often feel like there are something blocking me to laugh wholeheartedly. sometimes i feel like scream out loud. sometimes i feel like crying. sometimes i feel like run away to nowhere. sometimes even a small and insignificant word or utter from a friend can provoke me to get angry. (fortunately, i get to cooled down myself on time ^^) i had been pondering the main contributor behind these scenario...

perhaps it's because i'm still not used to the change of environment in my life. i had graduated from secondary school, (unless i'm going to form 6, which i don't think i will) i already started my working life. friends around me are different than last time now. seriously i miss my OLD friends very much. although i can still meet and hear them once in a while, but don't know why i just miss them. my new friends at work are pretty nice, no problem getting along with them besides no-speaking-chinese-AT-ALL in our conversations. but i do feel lonely in some moment because no matter how, 'these friends are not those friends'.(omigosh, which planet's language am i using, haha) yesterday night i read some of my friends' blog. and was quite blue as i read about them hanging out together but i didn't get to join. lol i realised that i started to lost treck with my most of my friends and only keep in touch with a few of them. i was thinking is it possible for us to have a party-gathering at somewhere, and there's no limits on how many peoples and who can attend. everyone are invited. i don't mind there are clogging where we just stick with the same few close friends and bother nothing about others who are not so close. because i just want to be with you guys. haha, sounds quite hard isn't? =p

one more thing! my brother went to Kota Bharu, Kelantan for his pilot training last month. since then, i hardly see or hear him. actually this is not the first time he leave home for study, in fact i never expect that i will have any different feeling like when he went matriculation and upm last time, but it's really different this time. his college during matric time was at negeri sembilan, which is quite near as we can still see him every weekend or at least once in a fortnight. upm is just 20minutes car ride from our house, that is even much easier for us to see him. but KELANTAN! never calculate how long we need to reach there by car, i only know that it's 45 minutes by plane. -_-" he can only come back here when he has about one week holiday. if not mistaken only 4 times in this 1 and a half year. as we grown up, i argue lesser and lesser with him and we share about our feelings or any thoughts more and more. i miss the moment where i can have a person to seek for help when i'm stuck in dealing with computer problems. i miss the moment where i can ask for his opinion on what boys normally like. i miss the moment when he talk to me when he had a fight with his girlfriend. i miss the moment when he's dam proud of himself for knowing when i have boyfriend and when i broke up with my boyfriend eventhough me myself never tell him that. i miss the moment when we share about what we think about life. i miss the moment when he tell a lot of lame jokes and our house congested with laughters from everyone few seconds later. duh, i just miss the moment when he's around.

hehui! i think i'm in the same 'dilemma' as u were before this. only yours is sister but mine is brother that differs. (that's why use the title that you had used before for this post, can't think of any others that are more suitable) hmmmph... >.<

i'm having fervent desire of going for a vacation! go relax. relax. relax....to calm down my mind, and to find back the original me. actually i have quite a lot of chance to relax and peace down my mind at home as i didn't work everyday.but i just....want to go for vacation! XD

-kaiwei-

Mafia class. haha.

my brother and i.

this photo was taken during last year chinese new year. wow, it's 2008 now!

Lovely family

I realised that I hardly post up any photos here hor? On December 2007, my family and I went to a studio at Klang to take some non-candid family photos. My mum get to choose 2 kind of wedding gauns, while the others got 1 formal attire. The results were not very bad. Well, of course la, we paid for that!

What are these peoples looking at? Believe it or not, we're actually laughing at a piece of SHYT...

What a lovely family. Haha.

Omigosh, the princess was attacked by both of her prince brothers!

Heheh... Get punished at last.

The king and the princess. Perfect match.

再见亦是朋友

分手后亦是好朋友，这句话我赞成。
告白被拒绝后亦是好朋友，这句话我也赞成。
但真的那么难吗？
可能因为我是女生，也不曾主动向男生告白，所以没尝过被拒绝的滋味，不知道为什么那么难。

一对男女，感情不错，见面时除了谈公事其余的时间都和对方一起谈笑风生，平时偶尔通个电话，偶尔传传简讯，偶尔在网上聊天。有一次，男生向女生告白。突如其来的告白，女生慌了，最后也没接受这男生，他只把男生当成好朋友，好哥哥。之后，男生很久很久都没联络女生。他们见面只谈公事，平时也没通电话，没传简讯，没在网上聊天。一直到现在，其实女生每次见到男生，都希望能和他像以前那样毫无顾忌地谈天玩闹，但男生跟她说话时总是有点尴尬。

我不喜欢这样。为什么不能自然地恢复之前那样的感情？情侣分手后都能成为对方的知心，何况是根本都没开始过情侣关系的朋友。
其实，我只是觉得就这样失去一个朋友很不值得。

一对男女，一直都是很好很好的朋友，甚至常被人误会是情侣，但两人也只是微笑回应，反正否认也没用。有一次，男生向女生告白了。女生拒绝了，他只把男生当成很好很好的朋友。之后，女生没想过疏远男生，男生也没觉得友谊受影响，两人反而比以前更了解对方，更珍惜对方这朋友。一直到现在，两人还是很好很好的朋友，还是有被人误会是情侣，还是以微笑回应。

这样不是很好吗？

Messages to my dear friends...

I am seriously not a 'blogging kaki' because I always blank when it comes to post up something. Actually I have quite a lot of things that I want to blog about, but somehow it always takes me an hour to type many words, and at last just deleted it by one click. Haha. By the way, I suddenly thought of writting something for my friends, after the FAMILY thingy.

8poh! I know you'll smile quietly in front of the computer when you read this, don't be too proud la ok. Haha. After we leave SBS you're the only one who went to Petrosains paid for the entrance and went in just to talk with me! And thanks to that also, you had the chance to meet the leng chai-est facilitator in there hor? He really leng chai leh! But I long time didn't see him at work already wor, afraid of seeing you again? Haihz... Btw, all the while you always be with me when I'm in need, listen to me when I'm down, crap with me when I'm bored, laugh with me when we're crapping... Really appreciate that. There were some unhappy memories between us before this, but I'm glad to say that those incidents didn't be the impediment for us to build up a stronger friendship bond. Honestly I really thought that our friendship will just end like that after what happened in Form 4, but I'm happy to see that you had became more mature in the way you think and act since then. Know what? I learnt a lot from you also. I like the way you laugh when you're happy, the way you try to make yourself happy when you're sad, the way you get frus when you're angry, and the way you care for you friends that you care. 8poh, appreciate what you're having now and go for what you want in the future. Hope you live happily ever after with your bendan la. Although I know you always 'heavy colour forgo friends', still, don't forget I'm always here for you when you need, just like what you always did for me. Muakks!

Baobei! Hmmm... I called you baobei since....Form 2 hor? Remember the time we draw mural together? hehe. Your trademark is...BLURR! Your innocent face makes people can't even raise up their voices to you even when they really angry. I swear, I never have unhappy feeling with you ever since I know you. Haha. Only sometimes cannot stop myself to feel like want to scold you because you always don't know how to say 'no' to your friends even it's hard for you to help them. Jin, thanks for being with me when I'm totally lost. Thanks for helping me to keep all my secrets. Thanks for letting me know that there is still genuine friendship in this world. Thanks for remembering to contact with me once a while even you're super busy with your assignments nowadays. Although you always missed out our gathering or outing, but I promised I won't forget you whenever we have a gethering or outing de la. Hehe. Love you o~

Yan... Erm... Erm... Erm... Don't know what to say to you lo. We get close only since end of Form 4, if not mistaken it's because of a breakup with akhem. Right? You always like to act tough, never want to tell us when you have a problem or when you're not happy. How many times had I told you hor, keeping everything for yourself will get heart attack de ar! Lol. The yan yan i know is a SS girl, (well, if standing with us then become SS girls la of course) never want to admit lose one, sometimes quite easy to get bu shuang but at the same time saying it's your 1st time bushuang at somebody. Everytime also 1st time hor? Haha. Okay la, I think that's all. Cannot say too many 'touchy' words between us, this is not our style! >.<

Ju. Pi Pi! The lame-est and sampat-est and noisy-est among all. No matter how long we never meet each other I can only see you getting lamer and lamer but not more steady and quiet. haha. if think about the moment we had together, you always have your smile and laughther but not tears. we never get to know your problem when you have any, as you will keep every sorrow to yourself also. Your case is more serious than yan! Sharing is caring. this is what you always say right? make sure yourself can share not only joy but sorrow with others, this can prevent heart attact de ar. anyhow, we're friends, don't we? Thanks for all the trips and gathering and outing and parties that you had organised for us, these really help in keeping all of us in contact. I like the few sentences you wrote in the present you gave me, " Rain nor shine shall not destrop the strong and lasting bond between us" ^^

He Hui! Suprise to see your name here? don't too proud la, give face to you only put you in the list one. haha. Hmmm, among all the close friends I have, i think i knew you longest. since standard 4 or 5 huh? wow... so can we consider 青梅竹马？haha. but 'officially', i only get to know you since mid of form 3, when we met in mrs yuen tuition? since that time, i always receive your just-wanna-talk-with-you calls. i know i had used up a lot of your dad's phone bills de. shhh...don't tell uncle ar. always confidence in yourself, and sometimes over-confidence. glad that you had accompany me to go through a lot of miserable moments, no matter in friendship, love or problem with families. and sorry too, as i did hurt you in...well, you know la. haha. maybe our destiny is just best friends, and that's all. peoples say there are never pure friendship between a male and a female who are very close with each other? i doubt that, very very much. lol. hey, just want to let you know, stuff like a relationship, there's no exact saying right and wrong. i know you're that kind of person that stay firm in your opinion unless proven wrong, but sometimes in love, a lot of things are not like what you think. every girls have their own perspective in treating a relationship. hope you will find your true love one day. no worry, every succeessful ending happened after many failures. haha. gambate and good luck!

大坏蛋！你的待遇比较不一样，我们的“媒介语”只能是华语的，英语传达不到讯息。呵呵。酱多朋友之中你最令我担心的了，好像我的大哥哥，但又不是很会照顾自己。当时你跟我说你生病了，我看着手机里的讯息久久都不懂要如何反应。这是第一次我身边的人这么严重地生病。我懂你很坚强，你也答应过我不会轻易放弃，更承诺过你一定会战胜病魔。小坏蛋虽然不能在你身边给你加油打气，但我隔空传给你的鼓励与勇气你一定要收到，知道吗？其实想起我们的相遇，有一点点不一样哦？来自吉隆坡和马六甲的两个家伙在柔佛认识了，各自回家后只靠手机简讯联络，但还是能很有默契的很在乎对方这朋友。两年前的相识后我们只见过两次面，对吧？一次我们一起去波德申玩，一次你来马新营我去找你。别忘记你还欠我一次见面，你说过会上来吉隆坡找我，你说过要我帮你选衣服，你说过也要买件衣服给我的。现在你生病了，所以我准你延迟兑现这承诺，但我没忘记的哦。我会等你好起来。所以你一定要好起来。以前你说为什么我和昭扬他们只是‘森雪一条心’，都没有‘马森雪一条心’，现在我就给你‘大小坏蛋一条心’！大坏蛋，我珍惜我们真挚的友谊，我珍惜我们纯纯的友谊，我珍惜我们不用声音只靠文字也能保持巩固的友谊，我珍惜我们自然对对方的关心，我珍惜我们不用见面也能对对方的信任。为了这值得珍惜的朋友，你要加油，我也会为你加油。记得我们坏蛋家族的族规哦~要开心要快乐要幸福要健康要坚持到底...

AKhem, such a long post. It takes me few hours to finish this. I admit myself as a super forgetful and blurr girl, so if I left out anyone please don't feel offence. And you know, I'm really long breath, if I talk about everyone I want it will takes more more than few HOURS... That's all la. Love you all my friends. I cannot assure you guys that there will be 'friendship forever' between everyone of us, but I really appreciate all the friends I have. Hope you are the same. ^^

-kaiwei-

Happy Birthday

10th February. Special day for a special someone. Happy birthday to you. ^^

Family...

Last week, when i was deep BLUE mood, someone suggested me a meaningful 'activity. he asked me to on some soft music, close my eyes, calm my mind, and think about four most significant persons in my life. think about how i treat them in these past few years. then, start thinking what situation i would be in when these four of them suddenly dead without any augur. i haven't even get to sit in front of the computer and on any music before i broke into tears. well, it's true that part of the tears that day were out of another reason, but still, tears ran down more profusely after the thought of 'losing my loves one' slipped through my mind. tears were wetting my cheeks and pillow, yet leading me to an aghast that i couldn't bear with being apart of anyone of them forever. i don't even get to see any images of myself being in a life without them before fear and sadness conquered me.

instead of just four. many faces pop up in my mind when the words 'most significant person' are mentioned. i thought about my grandpa, grandma, dad, mum, brothers, few of my friends...

Grandpa and grandma. i lives with them when i was one year old if i'm not mistaken. but i was too baby to remember anything during that period. the strong bond between these grandparents and grand daughter just formed like that and become stronger as time passed. argh... i actually found myself speechless in saying things about my grandma and grandpa. IN A NUTSHELL, it's love.

Dad. Hmmm.. sometimes i feel that he's the greatest dad in the world because he cares about us so much and he always shows his unconditional loves to us through actions but not words. there is also sometimes that i feel he is being unfair and a bit overbearing. when his mood is below OKIE, never ever try to do a bit mistake or request something unnecessary. the percentage of getting a 'yes' is below 10%. haha. when his mood is beyond OKIE, the situation is vice versa. but of coarse, a rainbow can disappear in one second and followed by storm and thunder! >.< i have a dad who has extensive knowledges. i have a dad who can never stop working even during a holiday. i have a dad who loves eating drumstick yet never sound out just because he knows his children love it too. i have a dad who always offers himself to fetch his children to anywhere whenever he's free, and will try to make himself free if he's not. i have a dad who is adverse at wasting any stuff especially books, but never hesitate to spend the money buying books for his children. i have a dad who wish to give his children all the best things, but never spoiled them. i have a dad who hardly teach his children about what is right and what is not right, yet all his children know what is right and what is not right, mostly la. Hehe. me, as a daughter of my papa, am grateful to be his daughter. i always wanted to but never dare to say it out, that i love him. anyhow, i believe he knew it even without me telling it. ^^

Mum. i wrote her the 1st letter last 2 years. and she replied me the 1st letter last 2 years. it was mother's day if not mistaken. hehe. i'm not sure whether is tat letter the main 'contributor', my relationship with my mum actually became closer since then. we have more topics to talk together. we have more jokes to laugh together. before this, i was an introvert daughter who hardly speak out my thoughts to my parents, especially when i was facing any problems or upset moments. as i grew up, i starts to share interesting thoughts and stories that i faced in daily life with my mum. the feeling is really amazing when i actually chat with mum inside the car all the way long from house to school. sounds a bit "WHAT???!!" to those who always have endless talks with mum right? but this is really what i feel. XD so now my biggest wish is to keep up this kind of relationship with mum and improve the relationship with dad! kinda, hard, for a person like me, who only knows how to use my imagination well but lost all the courages when it comes to real actions. but i'll try! =/

Brothers. it was just within this 1 or 2 years since my 1st secret-sharing or private-chatting conversation with my elder brother. it was about the same time also since i realized that my little brother and i argue lesser and lesser compared to last time. well, after all, we are siblings right? there is always an unbreakable bond between three of us no matter how fierce or how mad we were during a fighting. gor gor went to further his studies at kota bahru, kelantan and soon will starts his career as a pilot. seriously i hates the feeling being apart from someone who has been staying under one roof with me for like...17 years, although i only starts to learn to appreciate this recently. however, of coarse deep in the bottom of my heart i feel happy and proud for him because he had succeed to achieve his childhood dream! bravo~ ^^ as for my little brother, still having a little sloth in his studies, which is the impediment to his excellent achievement, but i believes and hopes that he will also succeed to aim at his goal in his life. well, good result is important to provide one with guaranteed job, but bad result doesn't mean it is the end of one's life right? add oil add oil... =)

i don't know why and i don't know how, i starts to realize the importance of communicate with my family members since passed few years. well, sharing is caring right? =p unfortunately, i have not achieve the kind of flawless relationship with my parents yet. we do have a thin barrier between us during certain conversation such as when i'm upset or unsatisfied with them. however, anyhow, no matter what, i truthfully hope that from this second onwards, laughters and happiness will stay close between all of us, and that we can feel and appreciate the loves deep from each other's hearts before it is too late. Love you guys a lot! ^^

-kaiwei-

梦想

哥上星期四飞去吉兰丹实现他的梦想了。
他从小到大的志愿都是飞机师，最后也达成了，他去吉兰丹受训当个正式的飞机师。
那天，我有跟去机场送他。我以为我不会觉得怎样的，哥又不是第一次离家去读书。说再见的那一分钟，我竟然觉得好不舍得，好想时间走慢一点，好想给他一个离别拥抱。其实我差点流眼泪了，但忍住了啦。我们两个星期后又会再见的，他回来过新年。不见两个星期就哭？很没道理...

看着哥哥终于能兴奋地向他的梦想冲去，我当然也为他开心。其实那时候，我还有另一种心情。
我在想，
哥的梦想实现了，他不用再为做什么工而烦，我呢？
我的梦想是什么？
我决定读的科系，是我的梦想吗？
我以后会喜欢我的工作吗？

觉得很彷徨...

未来

我只是想让你们知道我的想法，
我只是想听听你们的意见，
我只是想你们帮我做个决定，
我只是想能让你们参与在我做决定的过程。
可是，
我好像没成功哦？
我知道你们是为我的未来着想，但能不能不要马上否定我？
其实你不用生气，
不用觉得我不像哥那样从小就有个屹立不倒的目标，
不用在还没了解就认定我的想法是天真的，
我还是会被说服的，
因为我真的没有讨厌我原本的选择。
因为我只是不希望做错选择。
现在我依然是被说服了，
真的觉得你们说的话都有道理，
但我的心好像不怎么舒服，
眼泪好像不怎么听使唤。
我在想，
如果我被说服的过程是不一样的，
心和眼泪，
会不会也和现在不一样？

说到底，
我只是想得到你们的信任和支持。

兴趣？

一个人能对一样东西一直保持着热诚与兴趣吗？ 我觉得可以。

我从小学开始想学钢琴，但没学到，因为妈说很贵，学不起。
那时还小，不懂那是兴趣，不懂我能坚持。我只懂要听话，懂要读书。
上了中学，开始非常想学音乐，最喜欢钢琴，也喜欢古筝。
我想追求我的兴趣，但学音乐真的很贵，我不敢跟爸妈提起。
中三，朋友介绍我学古筝的地方，鼓起勇气问妈能不能去学。妈说想学就学，但她知道学费后，没有收回她的话，但我听得出也看得出她觉得太贵了。其实那真的很贵。我考虑后，狠着心跟音乐中心的人说对不起我不学了。
中五，真的觉得我很想很想学音乐，结果参加了某中学的华乐团。没有古筝，所以我选了琵琶。学费很便宜，但没老师教的，都是旧生教新生。进了半年，琵琶也买了，我发现我在浪费时间。我对琵琶一无所知，我不会自修，也没有必要给钱但去自修。最后，决定退团。
那时，我跟爸说我在乐团学到很不开心，但琵琶买了嘛，虽然我比较喜欢古筝但也没办法了。其实我纯粹想跟爸说我的心情，没想到把答应我SPM后会让我学古筝。
终于，我现在在学古筝了。学费不比中三时问的便宜，但我还是学了。

我是真的真的喜欢音乐，我不觉得我对音乐只是三分钟热度那种，但为什么我最希望得到信任的你不相信我？我承认当初没有古筝也坚持学琵琶是个错误的决定，但我不是故意这样的。花了差不多九百块买了琵琶但最后阁在一旁，再花整千块买个古筝，对于这样的浪费我也很内疚！但能不能相信我，我不会几个月后又说放弃古筝要学别的？你这样怀疑我，我觉得受伤了...

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